30 Days of submission

By | February 13, 2014

As a submissive it is important to know who you are and what you want and/or expect of your submission.
Quite some time ago I found these questions on FetLife regarding submission designed to allow you to look at what you want out of your submission and what it means to you. They’ve been buried on my computer and while doing some file purging I came across them and thought it would be good to put them out.

It was called 30 Days of submission as the premise is to answer a question a day for 30 days. I don’t know who wrote these but if someone does please let me know as I would be happy to give them credit.

Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.
Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?

Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?
How were they the same? How were they different?

Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?
Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?
How do you feel about BDSM?
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
How do you define service?
What does it mean to you?
If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?
If no, is there a particular reason why?
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?
Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?
Why or why not?
Are there limits to this?

Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?
If so, how has it evolved for you?
If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Day 18:  Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Day 20:  Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Day 29:  Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?
If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?
What makes submission special to you?

22 thoughts on “30 Days of submission

  1. LittleBoPeep12

    Wow, excellent questions to consider, I’m thinking this might be an interesting 30 day challenge, to keep a journal for a month, privately, then share with my Sir. Thank you Southern Sir!

      1. LittleBoPeep12

        Yes, thank you. We are just busy, Sir traveling back and forth from NYC and other cities, kids,my work…very boring. I have a post in the works, just no time to finish it. 🙂

          1. Mynx

            We all have been counting the days with you both Sir, as we know all to well the desire for you two to be together, and I hope you find a way to make the hands of time stand still this whole next week. Besides we know there will be some hot posts in the works from you both in the coming week…. Whats not to look forward to there! It’s a win, win for all! Hehe!
            Safe travels Sir…. And give our love to Kayla. Enjoy!

          2. southerns Post author

            Thank you Mynx, I will pass your greeting along to her when I see her in 28 hours from now.
            Half a day at work tomorrow then off to the airport.

  2. Christina Mandara

    Good questions. Can someone define ‘financial submission’ for me, though? I’ve heard it mentioned before. The take I have on it, is where the submissive gives up her bank details to the dominant and she is no longer in charge of her money. On a personal level, that leaves a bad taste in my mouth – although I do appreciate that others will see it very differently. Is my way of thinking correct or I have I been misled somewhat? Answers on a postcard please ~grins~ Great post!

    1. southerns Post author

      That is exactly it, a sub will turn over control of her finances to her Dom/Master. Now that is something that does nothing for me, but if you have a good Dom/Domme and the sub is not good with handling finances it could be a good thing.

    1. southerns Post author

      It can and it does, but in the hands of the wrong person it can also be a tool to be abused and I have heard horror stories of that as well.

    2. southerns Post author

      It can and it does, but in the hands of the wrong person it can also be a tool to be abused and I have heard horror stories of that as well.

  3. Phoenix

    I did all of these last year, and it was a great exercise. Not only did I get a chance to really “take out and look over” my submission, but I got my Daddy’s ( at the time, not my present ) input, as well as feedback from others. It really became a great tool for growth for me.
    Absolutely encourage others to do as well.

    I hope your time together is wonderful. No doubt, it will be

    1. southerns Post author

      They are a fantastic tool, there are also a sis if questions for Doms and I will be working on getting those out soon as well.

      We are both looking forward to it time together.

  4. Pingback: REBLOG – 30 Days of submission #BDSM #ASMSG #EroticRomance #Dominance and submission | Princess and I

  5. Anna Marie Kenward

    An excellent article. I too would definitely do this as part of my journal later on. I will keep a copy on my desktop to refer to easily. Like Christine I too would be extremely reluctant to conbsider Financial submission. However, with the right Dom, I might change my mind.

    1. southerns Post author

      This is a fabulous tool to track yourself, by answering the questions and saving them, not only does it give you a guidepost of where and who you are at a later time you can refer back to it and gauge your growth.

      Financial submission is not for everyone, not even many Dom’s wish to tread those waters.

      1. LittleBoPeep

        Financial submission doesn’t work for everyone. Since we are married and have been for 25 years and have children, I trust my Sir to manage all our money and to provide for our future, it is in his best interest to do so. I would not trust a Dom to whom I was not married/

        1. southerns Post author

          LBP I understand handing over ones finances to someone you don’t totally trust is dicey at best.

          Even with this though there are different levels. One can manage money but helping with a budget and keeping it on track.

          On the most extreme side it would mean handing over all of ones money to their Dom. I agree it would be much easier when married to do something like that.

  6. Wildwestangel

    Mr. HH and I have always kept separate bank accounts and paid different bills. A few years ago, he wanted more control of our finances and took over more bills. Eventually he took over managing both accounts online. All major decisions are discussed but the final decision rests with him. He does not enjoy the tedium of keeping track of our budget and has tasked me with that, but I do not feel like the keeper of our money. He is still in charge of that. I think financial submission can look differently for some couples depending upon the skill of the parties. For us, my submission includes these tasks. I hate it, but it is what he wants. I’d like nothing more than to turn over everything to him, but that would not be good for us, so that is not what I get to do.


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