Feminism and #BDSM

By | December 30, 2013

Thoughts of writing this post have resonated with me for some time now, I have vacillated back and forth about whether to write it or not.

In my travels on the Interwebz; of which I have a tendency to do a lot, I have noticed in some venues that submissives are attacked verbally for their submission. They are badgered about how they are taking feminism backwards by wanting the things they do.

Now I am not going to jump on a soap box and and talk about feminism in and of it self and what I do say may very well make some people upset, so be it.
What I am going to talk about is how little flowers submission has effected me as a man and how I have grown as a Dominant and it has changed my outlook on women in general.

When I was young I was an asshole, plain and simple, no if, ands, or buts; especially when it came to women. I would cat call to them, whistle at them, make comment about how their body was made for fucking, etc. In general in my youth  I was a poor excuse for a man. I make no excuse for my behavior, it was rude and crude to the utmost. I am not proud of who I was but I am glad I have grown past that.

Since I have begun exploring my Dominant side and even more so since little flower and I have been together my entire attitude has changed. Now I am sure a good deal of that has to do with age and wisdom, at least I hope I have gained some wisdom and insight over the years.

I in no way shape or form coerced little flower into submitting to me. It was done purely by her own freewill over the course of the year we have been together. It was her choice, choice being the key word. If she did not feel that I have her best interests at heart, that she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not in anyway do her any emotional or physical harm we would not be building the relationship we have today.

Do she and I have rough sex? Absolutely we do! On the other side of the coin to that we also have many tender moments. Early on in our relationship just after we had met she had confided in me that she had never been made love to. Several times now we have made the most wonderful and beautiful love together, it is not always rough and tumble play between us. It is not always spankings and floggings, and nipple clamps.

As I have grown as both a man and as a Dominant over the course of my life and especially with little flower now in my life I have learned one very important thing…respect for women!

With all that she has given me and continues to give I treat her like a true lady. I open doors for her, which she is slowly getting used to, seems no one has ever done that for her in her life. I often tell her that I love her. I hold her hand when we are out. I buy her flowers for no reason other then a beautiful lady deserves beautiful things. When we go out to eat I pull the chair out for her and seat her first. I do this not because of a need to be in control but because I am a gentleman! I do these things because I respect her.

While she enjoys cooking for me and serving me dinner I also realize that she has a full time job and is raising two very rambunctious boys. I also enjoy cooking and on several occasions now while staying with her I have cooked some meals. I also help with the house work, helping to pick up after the boys, taking care of the dishes, taking out the garbage, etc.

We do the grocery shopping together in part so I can help keep the two boys in check so she can concentrate on what she is doing and not have to constantly herd cats.

In the BDSM fantasy world erotica based on rape fantasies is fairly popular, that is where it belongs as a fantasy for erotic writing. Physical crimes against women are abhorrent! Plain and simple. Women have the right to dress as they feel and that does not imply that they are asking for it. Dress does not imply that a woman is asking to be raped. No means no and that is all there is to it!

A man who slips a roofie in a woman’s drink to take advantage of her is a flat out coward and does not even deserve to be called a man. It is disgusting and there is no punishment horrible enough fitting of such a crime.

That also includes domestic violence, a men who out of the need for power or even anger that beats a woman is disgusting. Yes, I spank little flower. Yes I use a flogger on her. Yes, I have used other implements on her like a Whartenburg wheel, paddle, rope, etc.

I have never done so without her consent!

While like in the throws of sex the word “no” is uttered and not always in the context it is meant to be used I have a safe word in place, before we play I have her say it to me. If at any time, for any reason she needs me to stop, she utters the word and I stop.

An abuser does not stop, he will keep going till there are broken bones, black eyes, or worse a broken spirit.

I have heard some Internet Dom’s in chat rooms talk about how they want to break their sub, tear them down to nothing. How they want to keep them away from family and friends so they can have total control over them. IMHO, run, run as fast as you can from people like that. They are dangerous!

Me, I build little flower up, I want her to be everything she is capable of being and more. I encourage her with her writing, I want to see her achieve her dream. Maybe it is not meant to be, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

At her job little flower is an immovable force, the top of her game. She is recognized nationally for some of the committees she sits on. Yet with all that on the weekends when she is home she very easily becomes overwhelmed with the household tasks and chores.
Each week I have her give me a list of everything she needs to accomplish over the weekend, I then look it over and divide the tasks up over the course of Sat. and Sun. This gives her a clear idea of what needs to be done and I also work in time for her to sit and write.

Some may think that is controlling, I don’t see it that way. I am acting as a tool for her to take care of the things she needs to do and give her time to work towards her dreams.

While I am little flowers Dominant and her Daddy I also see myself as her ward. My job is to care for her submission, to nurture it, to continue her growth in it and her dreams.

What it comes down to in the end is without it being her choice neither of us could be who we are.