Having a Poly Heart

By | March 24, 2018
Coffee is my love languge so it is no surprise to be drawn to someone who loves coffee as much as I do which helped touch my poly heart.

Coffee is my love language

“You have a poly heart”

It was quite sometime ago Kayla spoke those words to me. In fact it was such a bit ago that I had forgotten she had even spoken them to me.

She spoke them once again while we were in London.

I’ve always had a capacity for caring, that is something I’ve known for a very long time. In a way I suppose that is what makes me such a Daddy Dom is my caring nurturing nature. There has always been a part of me that cares about people in general. Could that be humanity? I’m sure that is part of it. If you are someone who I care about I will be in your corner fighting tooth and nail for you, Just ask Kayla.

The one thought that bothered me though for a long time was how can you care for more than one person. I love Kayla, she is the light of my life and I would not forsake her. She is my friend, my lover, my wife, my babygirl, and my submissive. Yet even in our time together I have opened my heart to others. I have a LDR sub and Kayla knows about her and the time we spend together talking to one another.  She gladly accepts this, we have talked about it many times. She knows she always comes first, she knows I am always there for her.

What I didn’t know until more recently; actually about a year ago is that there is a name for it.

I’m not always an easy person to get to know, I can be guarded and don’t always let people in. In most cases it can be a slow process. Other times someone can make me feel at ease and they can get past my gates.

Then there are the rare and the few, like what happened this past weekend at Eroticon. I met someone whom I immediately let in and it was an instant connection.

Now let me say this, it is/was not sexual. I was struck by their bubbly personality, they had an easy going way about them, pleasant to talk to, a wonderful laugh and a bright smile, plus they are someone who enjoys coffee as much if not more then I do. That is not to say that I didn’t find this person sexually attractive, I most certainly did.

As I began to feel this person enter my being, I told Kayla what was happening. In her way she smiled at me and said, “Well you do have a poly heart.” Yes, I did tell Kayla. We can and do talk about anything and everything.
Mostly she chuckled when I told her about it.

Being the person I am I debated about whether to tell this person about my being smitten with them. I did, see as I have moved through life I have realized that time passes all to quickly. It is important to let someone know that they have touched you.

When I did tell her she was very accepting of this old mans folly and accepted it with a smile and a blush.

We enjoyed conversation from everything mundane to the erotic, shared laughs and even a some baring of souls.

Later when everyone had gathered for the final hurrah I was graced with a delightful hug and a most beautiful purr from her. I could have stayed like that for hours as I am a cuddler and love to hug.

Before parting I was given consent to give a kiss on her cheek, such a simple yet wonderful thing.

She was given an invite if she ever is in our part of the world our door is always open to her

This was one of those moments, those points of time that will be held as a dear memory.

So yes, Kayla is right I suppose, I do have a poly heart.

34 thoughts on “Having a Poly Heart

  1. Wriggly Kitty

    This is such a lovely, warm and honest post. I love your and Kayla’s totally honest and love for each other, and you’re so right with “it is important to let someone know that they have touched you.”

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you WK, I’ve found life passes all to quickly at time and as humans we tend to put things off. I’m at an age where later doesn’t always come.

      Reply
      1. Wriggly Kitty

        I’m trying to say how I feel more, ask more, and allow myself to be that bit more vulnerable. And I feel far more “me” for doing it. It’s not always comfortable, but I think it’s my best shot. And what you said backed that up for me. Thank you x

        Reply
      2. Indigo

        Much to think about in this wonderful conversation. I especially appreciate the comment re age and time. I’m slowly learning that the world won’t end if I express an attraction or a caring for another. Coming from a vanilla world where this inevitably meant either exclusivity or a damaging/ threatening situation in the making I am in a state of un/learning so much. I am very grateful to be in such open hearted company. Thanks for being here JBS! You give me heart on my journey
        Indie

        Reply
        1. John Brownstone Post author

          It has been a learning/unleanring process for me as well Indie. AS a kid I remember the free love movement of the hippies in the 60’s. Being raised in a Catholic family it was impressed upon me you get married and love one person for life. I turned my back on the church a number of years ago for other reasons and it has taken me a while to question other things such as love being such a strict construct.

          Reply
          1. Indigo

            Thanks John. I know one thing for sure about this journey so far – speaking of course only for myself – it’s confronting and exciting and interesting and a hell of a lot better than sitting at home knitting waiting for the world to end. While I sometimes wish I’d sorted some of it out earlier, I know I wouldn’t be the person I am now and therefore wouldn’t be ready for it either. I think the biggest change for me is not assuming anything about myself or others along the way. I feel like I had an (imperfect) road map with vanilla/everyday relationships but now I’m feeling much more like I’m starting to travel cross country or offroad. This is scary and fascinating all at once and very very intense. Thanks for the reply mate, much appreciated.

  2. Kayla Lords

    It’s because of your poly heart that I feel safe enough to explore it for myself. And you are truly the kindest, warmest human being I’ve ever met. And I often see how easy it is for you to love and be loved, and it’s a beautiful thing.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      It is your acceptance of who I am that let’s my love for you blossom along with growing into the person I am.

      Reply
  3. cpmandara

    You both have the best kind of relationship because you trust each other. What more could you ask? 🙂

    Reply
  4. CimmerianSentiment

    Your relationship is far better than any fairy-tale story. Being a romantic, I see the sweet heart-melting nature of your honest and devoted real-true-love relationship that extends beyond the two of you.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Love and caring for someone is a broad thing and I am grateful that I have a partner in Kayla that is both understanding and accepting.

      Reply
  5. missameliaandsir

    Why do we limit love? I don’t have to choose between my son and my daughter? Now, let me be clear, NOBODY will EVER take the place of Professor. He not only has my love, but he owns my soul. However, through much discussion, and self reflection, we find it rewarding to allow our love to overflow to others. Our relationship is always top priority, but it’s wonderful to be allowed to find companionship and friendship and sometimes sexual interaction, with others without being limited. That doesn’t work for everyone, but if you know your true center, there is nothing wrong with allowing your love to spread out to others. Just my humble opinion. xoxo

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      It is the same way with Kayla and I, that will always be top priority. She is So many things to me. Yet she also realizes that she can’t be everything to me nor I to her. That has been a topic that has opened many conversations between us. Constructive and educating conversations. Being able to have this kind of trust and honesty with someone has been liberating for me and allowed me to be more myself then I ever have been.

      Reply
  6. Pixie Heart

    And so I cry! This is so beautifully written my dear Mr B, simply makes my heart sing! Poly hearted is such a great way of putting it. We as a Poly family know all to well what it is like to have someone who just captures a place in your heart! maîtriser Has them, and I love that he does. It just means he has a big, open and loving heart. Kayla is as equally wonderful for understanding and excepting it. Bravo brownstones, bravo!

    Reply
  7. missy

    I love the honesty and openness in this post and the fact that you extend that far beyond your relationship with Kayla to the others who touch your life too ????

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      We are touched by people in so many ways each and every day of our lives. Some in small ways, others in bigger ways.

      Reply
  8. Cara Thereon

    It’s funny, but I found you very open and easy to talk to. I’m glad you and Kayla have such openness and trust between you that you can have/explore this. It’s lovely

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      In some ways Kayla and I have known you for years having read your blog and following your journey. It was like meeting an old friend in some ways. It took time and work for us to get to the point. It has taken a great deal of communication and being vulnerable to one another.

      Reply
  9. Li

    I like this explanation as much as I share your feelings about your disposition toward polyamory. But it’s not an easy way to follow without hurting anybody close to one. Even if I prefer to be in open relationships, because I like sex much and tend to love people quite easily (perhaps too easily), I’ve made very dear persons suffer. Also I’ve suffered jealousy myself, for years!, when I was younger and more vulnerable. Love should never be limited, but it’s a very powerful stuff that requires extreme carefulness to manage it rightly. I perceive you both do it rightly and this is a very worthy teaching from you. *Two big hugs* ????

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Granted poly is not for everyone, some people can handle it while others can’t and that is fine. For me, I know that when I see Kayla getting on with someone I feel compersion towards her. It makes me happy to see her happy. Love shouldn’t be limited, the world needs more love and understanding in it. Kisses to you my friend

      Reply
  10. Selina

    This was so wonderful to read! The trust between you both and the honest are inspiring…thank you for sharing with us.

    Reply
  11. Mrs Fever

    “Poly-hearted” is an interesting label… Somehow less threatening than ‘polyamorous’, though the ‘why’ is hard to pinpoint. Perhaps it’s a term that encompasses multiple functions without overemphasizing form (or unerdefining form, as polyamory does, which can lead to all kinds of discombobulations and misconstruals; because, SEX).

    […thinking…]

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Sex is always the thing that seems to throw a monkey wrench in many things. My belief is that as a society we are pushed to believe that sex is the final outcome. Magazines and TV ads tell us that all the time. Buy this car and you will be surrounded by beautiful women. Wear this perfume and handsome men will flock to you. Where does honest caring for another person fall into the equation?

      Early on when I first met Kayla I would tell her that her and I may not develop into a relationship and that she may well meet someone else but what matter most to me was her happiness.

      Glad my post has got you thinking.

      Reply
  12. vanillamom

    Love is the one thing that we should give in abundance…more hugs, more love, more kindness, and more open caring will make the world a better place. I am so glad that you and Kayla have found a safe place in your relationship to make this a full-hearted, loving openness (and I admit that I’m jealous, too…my spouse and I do not have this same openness!) But humans are not limited to one love; as was said above, you don’t chose to love one child over another, it’s the same for letting others into our spirits. Love is the Universal cure.

    Hugs…

    nilla

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you for this nilla, it is beautifully said. The world does need more of those things and then some.

      Hugs

      Reply
  13. 3isRight

    Just a great insight to the person you are. Kayla should be very proud. I find that open and honest is the way to go. I applaud your openness and honesty. I have found a man who is the same. It’s a breath of fresh air. ????????

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Open and honest is the only way to be, it keeps the lines of communication which is so very important for any relationship to grow. So happy that you have someone in your life that values that as well.

      Reply

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