I Got it Wrong #BDSM

By | June 27, 2017

In a big way I got it wrong

So this past weekend was a milestone for us. It has been several weeks since I have embarked upon my new life and slowly but surely I’m settling in. My new routine is working itself out; I’m getting more comfortable in the kitchen and trying some new recipes even. As for my wood working; I am getting up early which is later then I used to and spending the mornings out in the shop. Not to mention that it is nice being home with the boys and Kayla.

Prior to the change I was worried that my Dominance might not be as much as it had been but in actuality it is quite the opposite. I’m finding that I have been expressing my Dominant side much more to the pleasure of Kayla.

This past weekend was a milestone for us. Since I am now doing my shop work in the mornings during the week, I don’t have to go out and work in there on the weekends. So what this meant was that this past weekend was actually going to be for us to spend together. Now some kinky fuckery would have been nice but this was going to be a weekend just spending some well needed family time together.

On Saturday we slept in till 10:30, that was a luxury that I hadn’t experienced in many many years. After a nice breakfast that Kayla made for me all of us were off to the library. We spent a good amount of time there and speaking for myself I can get lost in a stack of books. When we left we all had a stack of books in our hands.

From there I had to drop off something at a local shop for a upcoming show I’m doing and then it was off to Starbucks to get a treat for us all.

We went home after that and had a quick but late lunch and then we were all off to the pool. After that it was was a night spent watching movies and Doctor Who.

Sunday we had plans to go to a Home show to see if we could get some ideas about a rather nasty looking and outdated lighting fixture in the kitchen. I didn’t want to sleep as late as the day before as there were other things I had on tap for the day.

I was up around 8ish, give or take.

Kayla was still sleeping and I let her stay in bed till 9:30 when I tried to wake her up to get the day started.

That’s where it went wrong, that’s where I went wrong.

She wasn’t her usual self when I woke her. I took it as her just being in babygirl girl mode. So I went with it. I cajoled her, teased her, and in a playful way gave her a hard time.

I badly misread her cues.

I teased her telling her that if she got up there would be another Starbucks treat for her.

She fussed, she whined, and she remained solidly in bed.

This was where I made a bad thing worse; thinking she was just being her normal babygirl self I pulled the Daddy card.

I told her that if she didn’t get up there would be no Starbucks at all.

By the look on her face you would have thought I put a knife through her heart. One would have thought that I would have picked up on it right then and there but no I didn’t.

We often joke about how we Tweet one another while only being a few feet from each other. So I picked up my phone and make a meant to be joking tweet about her not getting any Starbucks.

Things went from bad to worse and then I realized what really was going on.

Her anxiety had kicked into overdrive and I had missed each and every mark. I’m not a mind reader, they didn’t want me at the Physic hotline.

So many people think that as a Dom we should never get it wrong. I wish that really was the case. There are times we blow it in really big ways  and this was one of them. Regardless of your dynamic it’s real people you are dealing with in it. Sometimes being the Big D isn’t what’s needed and won’t make things right.
As a Big D we try to get it right but we too are human and at times fail. It’s okay, it happens. That may not make it any easier at the time but it is one of the things you have to accept and be ready for.

It took me a while to recover from the mistake I made and by that time I had some back peddling to do.

I apologized first and foremost and then I did what she wants during those times. I gave her her space.

We did make it to the Home show which turned out to be a bust as there was no one there in regards to electrical and lighting.

After we got home I again gave her the space she needed and she curled up in her favorite chair with a book. I asked her if she needed anything and made sure she was comfortable and then I went about the rest of my day hanging a new set of blinds and some new pictures in the living room.

We don’t always pick up on others hints of what’s going on. We can only try our best one day to the next.

 

17 thoughts on “I Got it Wrong #BDSM

  1. Kayla Lords

    Awwww, Daddy, I never thought you got it wrong at all. In fact, I was kicking myself for not being better for you. And I never expect you to get it right every single time. Hell, I can’t keep up with my moods and brain waves, how can I expect YOU to do it? But I love you for all the ways you try to help, even if some miss the mark. XOXO

    Reply
  2. Dr. J.

    Owning it and working it together, that’s what it’s all about! Bravo.

    Reply
  3. SilverDom

    I also sometimes make mistakes and misread. I hate it when that happens, but we always talk it through.

    Silverdrop is also my little girl, as well as many other things, and my Daddy energy particularly hates screwing up with her then, ‘cos she’s more vulnerable.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I think that’s what bothered me the most as by misreading what was going on it was like I hurt her when she was at her most vulnerable.

      That’s what we did, talked through it later which always helps.

      Reply
  4. Pixie Heart

    Awwww bless the pair of you!

    To Kayla, massive hugs and loves from all of us girls! Anxiety is such a £$%&?!”£ thing! I Really feel for you, I know how vile it can be. For me when I get really bad it’s like my brain just stops and I can’t do anything! I just sit there and look dazed and confused! That’s when Kitten will quit often step in and cuddle me or shush me till I cry, and I me full apart crying, brain melting and coming out of my nose crying!

    Sir / Mr John Brownstone dude (still don’t know what to call you , but Babe calls you the Wood Dude) . Everyone gets it wrong sometimes , no one is perfect or with out failings! What counts is that you owned up to getting it wrong, said your sorry and fixed it! maîtriser still gets the wrong end of Babes moods sometimes and they have been doing the D/s thing for 15 years! in the words of my nana ‘There’s no such thing as perfect people, there’s no such thing as a perfect life. So come as you are, broken and scarred. Be who you are’

    Love ,
    Pixie x x x

    Ps Kayla are little bear said do you want to do a sofa day with despicable me 1 and 2?!? would you belive the bossman has not seen either of them! (off to find rope to tie him to the sofa!)

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      You are correct there are no perfect life and even after 4+ years I still can get it wrong. Anxiety is a bear, on both sides of the coin. What bothers me most is when I see her get like that it hurts that there is nothing I can do to fix it. All I can do is be there for her until it passes.

      I bet she would like that as they are both good movies, we’re looking forward to DM3 coming out.

      Reply
      1. Pixie Heart

        But my dear sir , that is what she needs you to do! The boss man wanted to make all my problems , anxieties and hurt go away, but what I need was for him to sit and watch me fight them , holding my hand when I needed it! You can kiss away the ouchies and the boo boo’s as much as you can, but just knowing your there if she needs you is such a huge thing to someone with anxiety issues . (I almost sound like I know what I’m on about!)

        Love both the films and off to see the new one on Friday! (Girl date!) . But tonight is Mad Max night!!!!

        Reply
  5. missamelia

    The most Dominant act I can imagine is admitting that you are only human and when a mistake is made, acknowledging it, learning from it, and doing better in the future. I guess that is also the most submissive act I can imagine. Understanding and forgiveness is what makes a strong D/s relationship work. Love and Kinky Fuckery doesn’t hurt either. 😉

    Reply
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  7. Ms. Fet

    Well Mr. John B I have to admit nice recovery. The point is you recognize And knowledge the difference and was there for Kayla as much as you can be. Sometimes giving that space is amazing . I wished others pick up on those clues. Kudos!

    Reply

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