Vanilla Perceptions #BDSM

By | January 8, 2015

It seems that vanilla perception of the BDSM lifestyle has been a recurring theme in my day. For me it actually began yesterday but has carried over into today when I saw a post by Cinn then a discussion in a forum I am a member of.

What happened yesterday has been niggling my brain and was further pushed forward by these other two posts/discussions.

In a round about way flowing from one tangent to the next a conversation led into to a talk regarding 50 Shades of Grey between myself and two co-workers who are very vanilla. Now I have shared my own thoughts about the book and while I am not fond of it there are many that see it as a way to bring our lifestyle to public view.

Now I will, say that my lifestyle choices are not known at work and I prefer it that way. Due to the nature of where I work and what I do it is best to keep things that way.

As I listened to them discuss the book and the upcoming movie I didn’t totally disagree with them. Until it turned into a generalization of all the people involved in the lifestyle.

“They must be sick people that they do nothing but constantly have sex.”

“How degrading to women that the men expect them to be sexually available to them all the time.”

“What they do is abusive.”

I listened as they rambled on, finally I made a point to interject.

“Remember the book is fiction, erotic fiction at that and if it didn’t sensationalize things and have drama, etc, it wouldn’t sell.”

They nodded in agreement and things pretty much wound down from there and shortly after that everyone went their own way and the conversation was put to the way side.

Fast forward about an hour, co-worker 1 who is the newbie of the group had made his way to his training which then left me with co-worker 2.

The door swung open and our boss walked in with a cart loaded with two computers. He explained to us that they had been recovered by the police in an investigation and they needed to have a new Windows system installed on them as they were evidence from a case involving porn.

Co-worker 2 and I told him no problem and he went on his way. I took the desktop computer and he took the laptop. The conversation fell to how could someone be so stupid as to put porn on their work computer, etc. We were also curious as to what was on the said computers.

Slightly intrigued we thought to have a quick peek before reinstalling the computers.

Our minds were quickly changed as we unpacked them from the evidence bags we read what had been labeled on the bags. The computers had been held as evidence and what was on them involved kids.

My stomach turned, I told co-worker 2 that we would be doing a a secure wipe of the drive before we reinstalled anything on the computers.

Then came the kicker.

Co-worker 2 piped up “This is the kind of crap those sick people who live the 50 Shades kind of life are into.”

I fell silent, the bile rose in my throat. I had to take a few deep breaths to compose myself.

It took me a minute or two to gain control of my emotions but I also knew enough was enough. Something had to be said.

“Look, I told coworker 2 ” I happen to know a number of people who life the BDSM or 50 Shades life as you call it.”
“They are nothing like what the book portrays” “Sex is not what it is all about, there is way more to it then that.”
“The thought of something like this sickens them as much as it does you and I.”
“If they thought that someone was hurting a child in anyway shape or form they would would hamstring them in a heartbeat.”

He looked at me in silence for a moment, nodded his head and said, “I don’t personally know anyone that lives a life like that so I don’t, it may well be what you say it is.”

I know co-worker 2 well enough to not out myself to him, it would be a disaster.
My heart rate had finally began to calm down and we started the task at hand with the computers.

I know that 50 Shades has brought some people to be curious about this lifestyle, this time though I saw first hand what was thought when the pendulum swung the other way.

17 thoughts on “Vanilla Perceptions #BDSM

  1. Kayla Lords

    I was so proud of you when you told me what you said. And I’m proud all over again reading it. Too many people keep quiet even when they know they should speak up. You, my darling Daddy, are an amazing man.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I wanted to say more, I wanted to explain to him what it is like, what really happens, but as you know all to well not with him, it would have spelled doom.

      Reply
  2. Anna

    A great blog piece Southern Sir. Thank you for sharing it. I can imagine how hard it must have been for you to bite your tongue. Very well done to attempt to educate the co-worker without outing yourself. 🙂

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I couldn’t not say anything, such a deep misconception he had. While I don’t know for sure it made a difference I had to try.

      Reply
  3. Mynx

    You handled a bad situation perfectly Sir! I don’t think many of us would have been able to keep quiet in the same situation. Well done Sir!

    Reply
  4. hispetitelle

    Love how you handled this. Hate that you had to be put in that position. Loathe that you had to touch computers of pedophiles. I saw many working in Probation. Never read a single psychological report that any of them were involved in BDSM. It would have been the talk of the probation office had we come across anyone. We saw every type of person in every type of lifestyle because we were right outside Chicago.

    Reply
  5. FiFiBuBu

    There are going to be lots of discussion about this as 50 shades of Grey movie comes up. I like how you handled the situation.

    Reply
  6. Rebecca Black

    Hi John,

    Reading your post made me think that rather than it just being a ‘vanilla’ thing maybe it’s just plain ignorance. I know plenty of people who have no interest in BDSM but they would never make comments like your co-worker. Narrow minded, ignorant people are often afraid of what they don’t understand aren’t they? Sex and sexuality seem to be a big block for some people. Maybe your co-workers can’t get their heads round their own sex lives never mind the sex lives of people in the BDSM lifestyle??!! Either way, it’s really sad that they said what they did and that you were put in that position. I don’t think you could have handled it any better.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you for commenting Rebecca, I have to agree that it was/is a combination of ignorance and narrow-mindedness, especially in the case of this person. He has often made comments about him and his wife and the lack of physical connection. Maybe he could benefit from learning some of this .

      Reply
  7. Draco Dimanovic

    Much respect to you for speaking up, I doubt that I could’ve kept my cool as well as you did. But then again, if their only source of ‘education’ in the matter is a sub par (in my opinion) story, then you can’t blame them too much

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you Draco, it took me a bit to get the blood pressure down before speaking up.
      I have to agree the source they are going by leaves much to be desired.

      Reply
  8. Christina Mandara

    I’ve heard so many cracks about abuse lately I want to scream. The world is sadly lacking in tolerance. As long as the lifestyle is between consenting adults and both are enjoying themselves, I would think it should make the world a happier place.

    As to the second part, it’s hideous. I cannot understand why anyone would want to hurt children, but there are truly sick individuals in this world who care little for anyone but themselves 🙁

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I’ll be your partner in screaming. Consenting is the key word which is what most people looking in do not understand, not to mention they see nothing but the stark images protrayed in place likje Tumblr, etc.

      It is hideous, the sad part is that kids are no longer allowed thier innocence in growing up.

      Reply

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