Women Prefer Feminine Men

By | March 27, 2014

This came across my dash on FaceBook today and after reading it had to scratch my head a bit.
76% of women prefer feminine men to settle down with in long term relationships.While only 26% of women prefer men who are masculine.

Now speaking for myself as someone in a D/s relationship; while we are not quite considered the “norm” I just don’t see it. Even in a vanilla context it just doesn’t seem to wash with me. Even strong women I have known want to be with strong men.

The definition of masculine is thus:

mas·cu·line
ˈmaskyələn/
adjective
adjective: masculine
1.
having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with men, esp. strength and boldness.
“he is outstandingly handsome and robust, very masculine”
I consider myself to be masculine; I protect my babygirl, I am there for her when she needs me, and I do my best to provide for her.
That being said I am also a gentleman at the same time.
I open car doors for her, I hold her hand when we are out in public, and I look after her well being.
In my eyes being a gentleman does not diminish my masculinity but actually enhances it.
Now I grant you being in a D/s relationship I am more attuned to her feelings and emotions then others might be. Does that make me more feminine?
As her Dom it is my duty to guide her and help her grow pushing many different boundaries. If I wasn’t in tune with her needs and feelings I couldn’t do what I do. By being her rock yet being attuned to her emotional well being isn’t that more of a balance between the two and not either masculine or feminine?
While it may be that a woman is not looking for a man to “provide” for her it doesn’t mean she does not want a strong man that she knows she can count on when needed.
On the other side of that is the woman and being feminine, the dictionary describes it as this:
fem·i·nine
ˈfemənin/
adjective
adjective: feminine
1.
having qualities or appearance traditionally associated with women, esp. delicacy and prettiness.
Now I am going to go out on a limb here and say that I believe a woman can be feminine and strong at the same time. I believe that a woman can be both. Little flower is a strong woman, woe be to any that cross her path in the wrong way and when it comes to her job she is good at what she does and a bear when she knows she is right.
On the other side of that coin she is also very much in touch with her femaleness and can be totally feminine.
Do I think women believe that falling in love will be like a fairy tale where they are swept off their feet and whisked away to a beautiful castle and life will be perfect, happily ever after.
I don’t think so.
At the same time each persons definition of happily ever after is different. To build the fairy tale takes hard work and determination. To build that fairy tale takes trust, communication and mutual respect.
When you read the article take note of the comments, I found it interesting that no one seemed to agree with the study, granted I didn’t read them all and some of them are inflammatory but for the most part quite the opposite of what the study shows.
What do you think?

42 thoughts on “Women Prefer Feminine Men

  1. Page Princess

    This woman votes for masculine men. For me, I need a man who is masculine. As you described, reading between the lines, manly with a gentle heart.

    Kayla is a lucky lady.

    hugs,
    -pp

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      A perfect blending of both, which is a good thing.

      I consider myself lucky to have such a woman as Kayla in my life.

      As always
      Thank you

      Reply
  2. Wildwestangel

    SSir, I have read a similar study with the same kind of commentary. As an ultra feminine woman who is feared at work, I do not want that control in my love life. Maybe those of us who are submissive find that we would never be that attracted to men who were not wholly masculine and, as such, would not be good judges of this dynamic. I do not want domineering, and some misinterpret masculine in this way, but I prefer firmly dominant. The ways in which you care for Kayla are the ways my Sir cares for me. In no way do I find him feminine, although he is a very kind man. It is not the same as feminine. I would love to know how the study arrived at a common definition for a feminine man.

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      Like you WWA I am very curious to know what they based the definitions of their study on.
      Domineering is a far cry from Dominant and what the Dictionary definition of masculine is.
      Being masculine does not mean a person cannot be kind hearted and like I mentioned with the right balance one enhances the other.

      Reply
      1. Wildwestangel

        I was married to a very domineering man and it is vastly different from a dominant one, while both are very masculine. Domineering never puts another before self. In all ways, a dominant man cares for his significant other and that relationship above himself. Even when seeking pleasure from me, my dominant husband ensures my pleasure in giving to him. He consistently wants my comfort (which may be discomfort because I LIKE that) when we are intimate. My domineering ex thought only of his own pleasure in both our intimate relationship and our daily marital interactions.

        Reply
        1. southerns Post author

          You hit the nail on the head WWA, a Dominant man puts his SO and the relationship as a whole first and not himself. Kayla and I had just such a discussion last night regarding a decision I made about her moving here.
          She will even be touching on it in an upcoming post she has written.

          Reply
          1. Wildwestangel

            SSir, it is just that difference that enabled my Sir to talk me into any manner of kinky sex since we began dating. 🙂 THAT is what builds the trust needed for D/s. My ex wanted the fringe benefits but without the effort required to earn my trust. Sir will get ANYTHING he ever wants from me because I can rely that his first thought in every action or decision is what would be best for our relationship or for me. Because of that, I am devoted to him. Kayla and I are lucky girls to have found men such as you two.

          2. southerns Post author

            Being a Dominant takes time, effort, understanding, effort, and patience, oh and did I say effort?
            One can’t be lazy and be a D-type. No one is going to give you their submission by just sitting back.
            Now at this point even though Kayla and I are a couple I don’t just sit back, it still takes all of the above to maintain and keep moving forward.

  3. Mynx

    Would love to know what cross section of women they polled for this one. Cause I would bet my life savings that anyone in this lifestyle will vote for a masculine man every time! 😀

    Hugs, Mynx

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      That almost goes without saying Mynx, it would be hard pressed to believe otherwise.
      On the other side of the coin I don’t see very many vanilla relationships wanting that either.
      Maybe they surveyed cuckold relationships?
      But even then it takes a certain amount of strength of a mans character to be in a relationship such as that.

      Reply
  4. Kayla Lords

    Clearly, I prefer masculine men, but I never would have considered myself all that feminine – even now as a babygirl. I’m glad I have you, Daddy. (Cue the cute comments in 3…2…1…)

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      You are soooo cute.
      There got that out of the way.

      You are a strong woman in your dealings with work and family…
      also you have a very feminine side which I love.

      Reply
          1. Wldwestangel

            I don’t think you can play your own cute card, Sir.

    1. southerns Post author

      There is a good deal of junk science around.
      One thing I have learned is that numbers can be skewed to show just about anything one wants. I’ve seen it done enough times where I work.

      Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      I think whoever did that study needs to stop by here and look at some of these comments.

      Thanks Phoenix

      Reply
    2. Wildwestangel

      Tell us more about the MEN in your fairytale, Phoenix!!

      Reply
  5. LittleBoPeep

    Whew- took me a while to get to this and read through all the comments. No surprise here- Masculine, DUH. That said, masculine men, who are secure in their masculinity, will jump in and get done what needs to be done, regardless of the gender stereotype assoicated with the task. Sir can build or fix anything, we have a garage full of tools that all get used regularly by him, but he also tosses laundry in, cooks and cleans to help move the day forward for all of us. Plus he looks sharp in a suit. That to me is masculine.

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      Masculine is a combination of SO many things. Sounds like you’ve got the whole package there 🙂

      Reply
  6. Melancholy

    I think it depends on the culture and the education. In countries where women are free and have a job (=independance), their tastes might differ from the areas of the world where women depend on men, and are not welcome in public places.
    If a pick any French poll (for example http://www.cosmopolitan.fr/,ce-que-les-femmes-aiment-chez-un-homme-mythe-ou-realite,2510868,1869841.asp), “84,1% of women don’t like machos, but say they like men to be manly and protective”. The conclusion seems to be that polls can tell one thing a day, and the opposite the next day… (see politics).
    May I cite our vanilla case ? My Hsbd is not physically very masculine at 1rst sight [I fell for him the second I saw him for the first time] ; he has a lot of qualities that you usually associate with feminity (sensibility, empathy, the gift to listen the others, to care… and coquetry ;-)). But he turn very strong and harsh when it’s needed : in conflicts, crisis, when he is not respected, etc. and he usually manages the situation with a very manly efficiency.

    Reply
  7. Melancholy

    [‘scuse me, continuation and end] I crave for the masculine side of my Hsbd, but sometimes need the feminine one when I’m ill or sad. I think that my girls friends (as far as I know, they’re not in the ‘lifestyle’…) have the same needs.
    Have a good day, Sir.

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      Melancholy,
      Thank you for your comment. I wonder if there is a difference in the European meaning of masculine and feminine? Could that be how the findings of the survey came out that way?

      I know there are blurred lines between masculine and macho yet to me, and I will say that it is my opinion the two are different. Macho to me has been the type of man that yes is strong but he yields that strength only for himself. Masculine is strong but he uses that both physical and emotional for others.

      As you said you need the emotional side of your husband when you are sick or sad and a true masculine man provides that where as a macho man may not be able to.

      Here now I am curious, do you equate feminine with being able to express emotion?

      Again thank you for your thoughtful comment.

      Reply
      1. Melancholy

        Dear SSir,
        I don’t know if there are many differences in the European and N-American visions of M and F. The difference in the results of the surveys may come from the way women are questioned, the orientation of the questions, the sample of women chosen, or even the result wished by the sponsor of the poll !
        Regarding machismo, would there be a different viewing angle ? In my opinion, a macho man would be s.o. who has a precise idea of his place, his role, and women, and who acts according to these beliefs : it’d be a question of sociology, culture (in Mediterranean countries men are very macho).
        A masculine man would be S.O. who develops qualities traditionally associated to men : strength of mind, ability to decide, aggressiveness necessary to the survival… Those qualities would rather be psychological, half learned, half innate (testosterone !). A man could then be macho + masculine, or macho, or masculine, or none of that (ouch !)

        To your question if I equate feminine with being able to express emotion, I’d answer yes (although being feminine is not only that). It seems that, at least in France (the only place I know well !), boys are discouraged to show emotion, when girls are allowed, even encouraged. Women easily share their emotions, but men don’t, maybe because it could weaken them.
        I wish u a beautiful w-e,
        M

        Reply
        1. southerns Post author

          Maybe due to the way I was raised I do see a difference between masculine and macho.

          Macho is all about the big beefy, brawny type but the difference is they are all about themselves. They don’t show emotion the veritable tough guy.

          Masculine is the strong, solid, dependable, a protector, that looks out for others. Not afraid to show any emotions.

          Yet I do see your point that there could be a mix of the two in any number of ways.

          It is upsetting that boys are taught to not show emotion and it does happen here as well sadly.

          Truly I would have liked to see the questions that were asked in the survey as you hit the proverbial nail on the head…..how were they worded?

          I think for the most part it is agreeable that it is curious how they arrived at this. It leaves many unanswered questions.

          Hope your weekend has been well.

          Reply
          1. Melancholy

            Dear Sir,
            Yes, our Sunday was really fine (had some yummies).
            I wish you and Kayla MUCH HAPINESS and a road as smooth as possible, on the way to success. The elephant now being mashed…
            May the Force be with you both,
            M

  8. Christina Mandara

    Might as well just live with another woman! I don’t mind if my man likes to do the washing up on occasion, but if he wants to wear makeup and my underwear – we have a problem. ~grin~

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      I know there are men who are into that and I have even known several from being a part of the kink community. They are wonderful people, interesting and creative.
      It is not something that is for me but I respect who they are.

      Reply
  9. Christina Mandara

    Oh, I have nothing against it – each to their own as they say 😉 But in my household – no-one gets their hands on MY makeup. ~grin~ Go buy your own…

    Reply
  10. Rose

    I think most of the comments pretty much cover every aspect of this subject, but I am still thinking ‘What?’
    I think the modern ideas of femininity and masculinity are skewed somewhere.
    Rose

    Reply
  11. Wordwytch

    Lots of great comments making me nod my head here. As for wanting a fem man? Um… NO! Not in appearance or traits. I like men with beards. 🙂 As for Masculine and not afraid of feminine traits…. yes, that works. Wolf is most definitely masculine, but he can cook, clean and pick out clothing. Not because he’s effeminate, but because he is not daunted by much of anything. Guess you could say he is a well rounded gentleman, who opens doors, speaks his mind and can still make me shiver with a word. 🙂

    Reply
  12. Cheeky Minx

    It seems I’m not alone in my attraction to intensely masculine and powerful men (with a good dash of the rouge, gentleman and beast in them).

    I suspect the issue might be that some women – and contemporary Western culture more generally – align masculinity with traditional and patriarchal conceptions (that also implicate misogyny). The problem with these kinds of debates and polls is they narrow gender to easily digestible notions. From reading your comments, most of us are drawn to masculine men but those who also see their female partners as equals, who are genuinely aroused by feminine strength (and a strength associated with submission).

    In the end, I like and crave men because of their delectably physical, erotic and carnal difference…

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      Minx,
      I have been trying to find out the questions that were asked in this poll but have turned up nothing. How the questions are worded can make a big difference in the results.

      Reply

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