A Question About Sub-Drop and Punishment

By | September 4, 2013

One of my Tumblr followers asked me a question and I though I would answer it here as it will also post to my Tumblr account and this is something that everyone should be aware of.

Good morning Sir, I made a mistake, an accident. I was exhausted after a scene and in serious sub drop. When I was saying my goodnight to Sir. I asked a question about the next days check in. And forgot to use his proper name, Master. I feel asleep and I’m in trouble. He plans in punishing me tonight after ignoring me yesterday. I don’t think it’s fair, I didn’t mean to disrespect him. Or am I looking at it wrong and should I just take it and be quiet? Suggestions? Kind regards, Macanac

First off let me start by saying; as I see it you did nothing wrong.

When coming out of a scene or session it can be a whirlwind of emotions; especially for the sub when they have been in sub-space. Their brain is awash with emotions and endorphins from everything their Dom has put them through.
What a sub needs more then anything at this point is aftercare, they need to be held, they need to know they are loved, and they need to know that they are cherished by their Dom, they need to know that they are a good girl.
A Dom should be giving their sub something to drink, some food, light fruit or a comfort food they like. A Dom should also be putting some type of lotion on the parts of the subs body where they were spanked, etc.

Now I realize that every Dom has their own protocols in how they manage their sub and things they expect. When it comes to aftercare and sub -drop those things for the moment need to be put to the side and walking the sub back into reality should be the only thing on ones mind. A sub gives you a gift, that gift is them, their mind, their soul, their body. It is up to the Dom as the person the sub looks up to, to protect them especially when they are at a time that they are completely vulnerable.

On a day to day basis, yes structure is good, having rules that are followed is important and there is a time and place for that.

The last thing a Dom should be doing is worrying about punishment for a break of so called protocol during a time when aftercare is the only thing that should be important.

14 thoughts on “A Question About Sub-Drop and Punishment

  1. Mr. Fox

    Southern Sir,

    I will begin my comment by stating that I concede that everyone’s D/s relationship is individual and unique. What works for My LK and I may not work for them.

    I would not have have chosen the same path as this particular Dominant did in this scenario.

    In Little Kaninchen’s and my own dynamic, grace would have been granted without so much as a mention of the minor infraction. This same scenario has taken place for LK and myself and LK, until reading this comment, has no idea that it ever did.

    Your advise, along with your technique, is trustworthy and honorable and I would like to think that I would have done what you have suggested.

    Great post!


    Mr. Fox

    1. southerns Post author

      Mr. Fox, Thank you for stopping by and commenting on this.

      I agree with you that every D/s is unique unto themselves, that is part of what makes this such a wonderful experience is that each person’s kink is their own and it comes with no judgement by another.

      One thing I am and always have been adamant about is aftercare, after little flower and I have played the most important thing in my mind is caring for her and her well being.

      To me the D/s dynamic and the aftercare of a sub is two individual things; the aftercare takes precedence.

      I do appreciate your thoughts and that you and I are like minded in this.

      Thank you

  2. Wordwytch

    Your last sentence says it all.

    “The last thing a Dom should be doing is worrying about punishment for a break of so called protocol during a time when aftercare is the only thing that should be important.”

    You are a lovely man and Dom.

    1. southerns Post author

      Thank you WW, I hold you and Wolf in very high regards and think of you as family.
      I only try to do what I feel is right.

  3. Kayla Lords

    Ok, disclaimer – every D/s relationship is unique and what I would do isn’t what someone else would do. Now that I’ve got that out of the way…

    My first thought was “What an asshole.” Names have power and meaning, I grant you. For her to be so far gone in her drop that she resorted to his given name was VERY powerful…and in my view, he should have been honored that in her moment of complete vulnerability, she used his given name…

    I don’t usually get up on a soapbox about how other people live the lifestyle, but something about this grates on me…maybe it’s because I’ve experienced drop so badly I’ve been in physical pain…another time, I cried for three hours and couldn’t have said why…what I needed was comfort…rules were relaxed, protocols lifted…it wasn’t a disrespect of him not to follow them…it was what I needed…

    And if a D isn’t willing to give their s EXACTLY what they need when they are at their weakest, the D doesn’t deserve the s…

    Ok, stepping off my soapbox. You responded wonderfully…I hope your little flower knows just how lucky she is to have you.

    1. southerns Post author

      Kayla, you are more then welcome to stop by and get on your soap box anytime you wish, your input is both insightful and well taken.

  4. Franco Bolli

    I can only agree for a 100% with you Sir and Kayla has written down almost exactly what I was thinking while reading your post.

    1. southerns Post author

      Kayla did get right to the point and a good one at that.

  5. hotlilmess

    Yikes..filled the first one out with my name..yes,quite amazing the impact the right hand can have in that situation. Leaves me in awe.

    1. southerns Post author

      That is what D/s is all about guiding, growing, and learning

  6. Vile

    First off I am a firm believer that sub-drop can be prevented 98% of the time with the proper aftercare, this is just me.

    Second as you stated every Dominant is different, rules and protocols. While some look for every opportunity to punish and will jump at the chance. One has to step back and look at the whole picture. Was this a simple mistake? Question if in doubt. Or was it just total disrespect which I do not believe is the case much of the time.
    A slave will act out if they are not getting the attention they need, and will take the consequences just to get attention.

    1. southerns Post author

      I agree with you about the sub-drop, doing right and taking proper care of one’s sub/slave can alleviate much of that.

      Thanks for pointing out about a slave acting out if wanting attention. Even a child will do the same to seek attention for a parent.


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