By | August 13, 2013

Rule 07

Communication is such an intricate part of the lifestyle.
No one is a mind reader, no one knows what the other is thinking unless there are words spoken.

I am going to talk about communication before, during, and after a scene or session.

Prior to My little flowers arrival for her visit W/we talked about My taking her to the local club;
she had not been to a lifestyle club before.
In O/our frequent talks I explained things to her about what the club was like, what went on there and things to expect.

This helped on several different levels, as she had never been to a club before it helped allay her nervousness.
Also it gave her an idea of the people there; what they are like and what goes on there.
It also gave her time to formulate any questions she may have about the club.

In O/our talks I explained to her about the various equipment that is in the Dungeon, the different uses of them and the different types of scenes they may be used for.

I had been planning a scene for her and I while W/we were at the club and I even talked about that and what would be used.
I explained to her about the St. Andrews Cross and different types of spanking benches.
What W/we would be using and the scene over all.
Do I tell her every detail of the scene I have planned? No
Have to keep some of it a surprise.

During the scene while I don’t constantly ask her if she is alright, I know her reactions and body language well enough to know when she is enjoying something and is in sub-space as opposed to a reaction that something is a bit much and I need to back off.
Constantly asking a sub if they are doing alright in a scene could very well pull them out of sub-space which is where they want to be.
While it may not be verbal communication it is still communicating.
One thing I have a tendency to do during a scene is to pause briefly and stroke her hair, rub her back, whisper to her that she is doing fine or that she is a good girl.
This helps her maintain the connection with Me.

Even after a scene is done the communication still continues, during aftercare while she is coming out of sub-space.
Once she is out of the drifty mindset she goes into W/we talk about the scene, what she enjoyed most, what she didn’t enjoy, where I could have pushed harder and where some of her limits had been pushed.

The lifestyle as a whole is give and take, the sub doesn’t just give to the Dom, but for both to get out of it what they seek there has to be open communication.

15 thoughts on “Communication

  1. sharh2013

    Thank you very much for sharing that, it came with perfect timing. I met this guy recently and its something we are really considering, Him being my Dom (yay! Blushing) lol any way , again thanx

    1. SouthernSir

      Hope it helps sharh, take your time, talk and make sure it what both of you are looking for. Best wishes.

  2. Twisted Angel

    Sub space.. I am thinking I have never been there. I have never been to a club or that lifestyle either, but I do find myself wanting it. Does that make sense. I also find myself having trouble getting my husband to step across those lines, so ingrained is he in the men don’t hit women life. sighs. Orgasm yes beyond that no.. I can only imagine..

    1. SouthernSir

      As I have never experienced it myself, since I am the one putting girl there, I have noting to go by other then what she tells me about sub-space.
      I know her well enough now that I can see almost instantly when she goes there, the look in her eyes, the sound of her voice.
      She loves it, craves it..says it is the most calming of places to be.

  3. Cheeky Minx

    She is lucky to have you, SSir. Just as I am fortunate to have such an intimate insight into your life…

    1. SouthernSir

      Minx, I am trying to show the different side to this life as so many only ever see the pictures and erotic stories that abound across the net. There is a much deeper and intimate side to all this which so few realize.

  4. Wordwytch

    You’ve illustrated the three rules of communications very well.
    1. Communicate
    2. repeat rule #1
    3. When in doubt, refer to rule #1.


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