Having a Poly Heart

Coffee is my love languge so it is no surprise to be drawn to someone who loves coffee as much as I do which helped touch my poly heart.

Coffee is my love language

“You have a poly heart”

It was quite sometime ago Kayla spoke those words to me. In fact it was such a bit ago that I had forgotten she had even spoken them to me.

She spoke them once again while we were in London.

I’ve always had a capacity for caring, that is something I’ve known for a very long time. In a way I suppose that is what makes me such a Daddy Dom is my caring nurturing nature. There has always been a part of me that cares about people in general. Could that be humanity? I’m sure that is part of it. If you are someone who I care about I will be in your corner fighting tooth and nail for you, Just ask Kayla.

The one thought that bothered me though for a long time was how can you care for more than one person. I love Kayla, she is the light of my life and I would not forsake her. She is my friend, my lover, my wife, my babygirl, and my submissive. Yet even in our time together I have opened my heart to others. I have a LDR sub and Kayla knows about her and the time we spend together talking to one another.  She gladly accepts this, we have talked about it many times. She knows she always comes first, she knows I am always there for her.

What I didn’t know until more recently; actually about a year ago is that there is a name for it.

I’m not always an easy person to get to know, I can be guarded and don’t always let people in. In most cases it can be a slow process. Other times someone can make me feel at ease and they can get past my gates.

Then there are the rare and the few, like what happened this past weekend at Eroticon. I met someone whom I immediately let in and it was an instant connection.

Now let me say this, it is/was not sexual. I was struck by their bubbly personality, they had an easy going way about them, pleasant to talk to, a wonderful laugh and a bright smile, plus they are someone who enjoys coffee as much if not more then I do. That is not to say that I didn’t find this person sexually attractive, I most certainly did.

As I began to feel this person enter my being, I told Kayla what was happening. In her way she smiled at me and said, “Well you do have a poly heart.” Yes, I did tell Kayla. We can and do talk about anything and everything.
Mostly she chuckled when I told her about it.

Being the person I am I debated about whether to tell this person about my being smitten with them. I did, see as I have moved through life I have realized that time passes all to quickly. It is important to let someone know that they have touched you.

When I did tell her she was very accepting of this old mans folly and accepted it with a smile and a blush.

We enjoyed conversation from everything mundane to the erotic, shared laughs and even a some baring of souls.

Later when everyone had gathered for the final hurrah I was graced with a delightful hug and a most beautiful purr from her. I could have stayed like that for hours as I am a cuddler and love to hug.

Before parting I was given consent to give a kiss on her cheek, such a simple yet wonderful thing.

She was given an invite if she ever is in our part of the world our door is always open to her

This was one of those moments, those points of time that will be held as a dear memory.

So yes, Kayla is right I suppose, I do have a poly heart.

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  1. This is such a lovely, warm and honest post. I love your and Kayla’s totally honest and love for each other, and you’re so right with “it is important to let someone know that they have touched you.”

      • I’m trying to say how I feel more, ask more, and allow myself to be that bit more vulnerable. And I feel far more “me” for doing it. It’s not always comfortable, but I think it’s my best shot. And what you said backed that up for me. Thank you x

      • Much to think about in this wonderful conversation. I especially appreciate the comment re age and time. I’m slowly learning that the world won’t end if I express an attraction or a caring for another. Coming from a vanilla world where this inevitably meant either exclusivity or a damaging/ threatening situation in the making I am in a state of un/learning so much. I am very grateful to be in such open hearted company. Thanks for being here JBS! You give me heart on my journey

        • It has been a learning/unleanring process for me as well Indie. AS a kid I remember the free love movement of the hippies in the 60’s. Being raised in a Catholic family it was impressed upon me you get married and love one person for life. I turned my back on the church a number of years ago for other reasons and it has taken me a while to question other things such as love being such a strict construct.

          • Thanks John. I know one thing for sure about this journey so far – speaking of course only for myself – it’s confronting and exciting and interesting and a hell of a lot better than sitting at home knitting waiting for the world to end. While I sometimes wish I’d sorted some of it out earlier, I know I wouldn’t be the person I am now and therefore wouldn’t be ready for it either. I think the biggest change for me is not assuming anything about myself or others along the way. I feel like I had an (imperfect) road map with vanilla/everyday relationships but now I’m feeling much more like I’m starting to travel cross country or offroad. This is scary and fascinating all at once and very very intense. Thanks for the reply mate, much appreciated.

  2. It’s because of your poly heart that I feel safe enough to explore it for myself. And you are truly the kindest, warmest human being I’ve ever met. And I often see how easy it is for you to love and be loved, and it’s a beautiful thing.

  3. Your relationship is far better than any fairy-tale story. Being a romantic, I see the sweet heart-melting nature of your honest and devoted real-true-love relationship that extends beyond the two of you.

  4. Why do we limit love? I don’t have to choose between my son and my daughter? Now, let me be clear, NOBODY will EVER take the place of Professor. He not only has my love, but he owns my soul. However, through much discussion, and self reflection, we find it rewarding to allow our love to overflow to others. Our relationship is always top priority, but it’s wonderful to be allowed to find companionship and friendship and sometimes sexual interaction, with others without being limited. That doesn’t work for everyone, but if you know your true center, there is nothing wrong with allowing your love to spread out to others. Just my humble opinion. xoxo

    • It is the same way with Kayla and I, that will always be top priority. She is So many things to me. Yet she also realizes that she can’t be everything to me nor I to her. That has been a topic that has opened many conversations between us. Constructive and educating conversations. Being able to have this kind of trust and honesty with someone has been liberating for me and allowed me to be more myself then I ever have been.

  5. And so I cry! This is so beautifully written my dear Mr B, simply makes my heart sing! Poly hearted is such a great way of putting it. We as a Poly family know all to well what it is like to have someone who just captures a place in your heart! maîtriser Has them, and I love that he does. It just means he has a big, open and loving heart. Kayla is as equally wonderful for understanding and excepting it. Bravo brownstones, bravo!

  6. I love the honesty and openness in this post and the fact that you extend that far beyond your relationship with Kayla to the others who touch your life too ????

  7. It’s funny, but I found you very open and easy to talk to. I’m glad you and Kayla have such openness and trust between you that you can have/explore this. It’s lovely

    • In some ways Kayla and I have known you for years having read your blog and following your journey. It was like meeting an old friend in some ways. It took time and work for us to get to the point. It has taken a great deal of communication and being vulnerable to one another.

  8. I like this explanation as much as I share your feelings about your disposition toward polyamory. But it’s not an easy way to follow without hurting anybody close to one. Even if I prefer to be in open relationships, because I like sex much and tend to love people quite easily (perhaps too easily), I’ve made very dear persons suffer. Also I’ve suffered jealousy myself, for years!, when I was younger and more vulnerable. Love should never be limited, but it’s a very powerful stuff that requires extreme carefulness to manage it rightly. I perceive you both do it rightly and this is a very worthy teaching from you. *Two big hugs* ????

    • Granted poly is not for everyone, some people can handle it while others can’t and that is fine. For me, I know that when I see Kayla getting on with someone I feel compersion towards her. It makes me happy to see her happy. Love shouldn’t be limited, the world needs more love and understanding in it. Kisses to you my friend

  9. “Poly-hearted” is an interesting label… Somehow less threatening than ‘polyamorous’, though the ‘why’ is hard to pinpoint. Perhaps it’s a term that encompasses multiple functions without overemphasizing form (or unerdefining form, as polyamory does, which can lead to all kinds of discombobulations and misconstruals; because, SEX).


    • Sex is always the thing that seems to throw a monkey wrench in many things. My belief is that as a society we are pushed to believe that sex is the final outcome. Magazines and TV ads tell us that all the time. Buy this car and you will be surrounded by beautiful women. Wear this perfume and handsome men will flock to you. Where does honest caring for another person fall into the equation?

      Early on when I first met Kayla I would tell her that her and I may not develop into a relationship and that she may well meet someone else but what matter most to me was her happiness.

      Glad my post has got you thinking.

  10. Love is the one thing that we should give in abundance…more hugs, more love, more kindness, and more open caring will make the world a better place. I am so glad that you and Kayla have found a safe place in your relationship to make this a full-hearted, loving openness (and I admit that I’m jealous, too…my spouse and I do not have this same openness!) But humans are not limited to one love; as was said above, you don’t chose to love one child over another, it’s the same for letting others into our spirits. Love is the Universal cure.



  11. Just a great insight to the person you are. Kayla should be very proud. I find that open and honest is the way to go. I applaud your openness and honesty. I have found a man who is the same. It’s a breath of fresh air. ????????

    • Open and honest is the only way to be, it keeps the lines of communication which is so very important for any relationship to grow. So happy that you have someone in your life that values that as well.

  12. I have to admit that this post was breathtaking for me to read. As well as the responses to this topic.
    Sometimes in life you care and have love for another person other than your spouse or significant other.

    This does not in any way mean that you that you love your spouse or significant partner any less.

    I think it’s wonderful when you find another person you connect with on a mental and emotional level and it’s not just about sexual gratification.
    You becomes friends with this person, you have engaging deep conversations with them and you hang out like any other friends do.
    I always found that more appealing than just swinging or swapping.

    Now playing devils advocate,
    there are the downfalls of poly if you and your spouse are new or struggle with your terms and agreement of those relationships, and
    when those relationship ends in an emotional and deceiving bombshells. Those explosions come as a shocker because you put respectful, and mutual exit plans in place so that neither parties feelings are destroyed in the process.

    As much as I believe in having a Poly Heart it may not be as easy to be open your heart to another.

    • To many people who don’t understand poly equate it with being sexual which is not always the case. Can there be a sexual element? Yes of course but it is not like as you mentioned anything like swapping or swinging. While there is nothing wrong with that for the people who enjoy it not for me. I’m not wired that way.

      There are always downfalls to anything, even D/s. AS you mentioned having an exit plan doesn’t always work and there may well be an undercurrent of emotions/feelings that can cause problems.

      Many times these pitfalls happen when they aren’t talked about. ie you meet someone and go on a date with out talking to your primary first.

      Communication is a must and even being willing to take a step back if needed. We have done that a time or two with our D/s. Regroup and enact a different way of going about things.

      It’s not easy to open ones heart to another, there are trust issues to work through, many times jealousy, etc.

      When it works it can be a beautiful things. When it doesn’t, well, it’s not pretty.

      • I totally agree on everything you touched on in your response. Once again great topic that encourages a great deal of discussion.
        Thank you.