Her Power

By | March 17, 2014

It’s been a while I know, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth but I have been busy, very busy on many different fronts. To say I have been burning the candle on both ends is to put it mildly. How many ends can a candle have? Seems like way more then two in my case.

I have set a goal for Kayla and I to be together and I am moving towards that goal. This past weekend I took a major step forward. It was a lot of work but it was well worth it as a major and I mean major bite of the elephant was taken this past weekend. Granted I spent a good part of the day Sunday, well okay all of the day Sunday recovering from Friday and Saturday, and some seasonal allergies; but I would do it all over again for what I was able to accomplish.

Last Saturday Kayla wrote a post for Scene Mag and she highlighted it on her site called The Power I Possess

The post brought about some interesting discussion on her blog and I was brought into it even in my absence. Not in a bad way mind you but in asking my thought on a certain aspect of it.

Kayla made mention of something in the aspect of me being a man, a Dominant, a Daddy, and even the Beast. I wear all those hats at any given time and in some case simultaneously. It can be a balancing act of walking a blade at times; knowing which one she needs more then the other. There lies the factor of communication and listening to her, hearing what she needs by the tone of her voice. For us at this time though I mainly have to rely on the tone of her voice and her inflections.

If two people are together on a regular basis then you can also go by body language. There are times she will respectfully ask me for what she needs and I will either give it to her or not.

One of the things that came up in the comments that pertained directly to me is that I like to be touched by her. This is true, very true. It comes from several different things in my life.

Before I go into that though I want to say this, each D/s relationship is different. Each D/s pairing is shaped by different protocols, different rules, different people. When done right the negotiating of the D/s is done and each knows what to expect and what they want/need will be fulfilled by the rules and protocols of the relationship.

If a babygirl is in a relationship with a slave Master it won’t work. If a slave is in a relationship with a Daddy Dom someones needs will not be met and it will be hard to maintain a balance.

Now for many years I was in a long term relationship that among other things had a very serious lack of touch. For me touch was/is important. Touch to me is an affirmation of love, of commitment. This was something expressed in a book called the The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Each person has their own language for some it is gifts, for others it is affirmations, quality time, or acts of service.

Kayla loves expressing herself to me by touch and I revel in it. We hold hands, we sit next to one another on the sofa watching movies, when in the car she will rest her hand on my leg, or she will be kneeling at my feet with her head in my lap, or at times even enjoying laptime; curled up in my lap while I hold her.

So yes, for her I allow her to touch me as she wishes, she has that power. Yet even that semblance of power can be fleeting as she found out once. For her a punishment as bad as death is to NOT be allowed to touch me.

Does she hold power over me as she talked about in her blog?
Oh yes without a doubt, she knows that she can awaken and stir different aspects of me and know what will do it at any given time. Do I give her rein to see what she will do with that power? Oh indeed there are times I do. In those times I watch, listen, observe her. Oh don’t get me wrong I also am awash in the feelings she brings out in me, but I am also aware.

There are times she is amazed at my self control as I taunt and tease her, awakening her and bringing her to the brink of need and her doing the same in me. What amazes her though is at any given moment I can end it and leave her in need, wanting, aching, and desirous.

She also knows that when she does that at any given that semblance of power will be taken from her in a heartbeat and turned around on her and she is fully aware of the consequences. Other times it can also backfire on her as I don’t always give into her desires as she found out one time when she misbehaved; acting on impulse and impatience with me. She was very surprised by the results when she found herself no longer indulged.

Is the power exchange different being we are in a Daddy Dom/babygirl dynamic, yes. In some ways I am more indulgent with her say then a Master would be with a slave. That being said treating Kayla as a slave would not fulfill her needs as who she is.

But then for me I like her sassy side, she knows I like it and there are times yes;  she pushes the line a bit, all it takes from me is a raise of the eyebrow or a simple word in the right tone and she knows she is pushing things a bit to far and backs down.

18 thoughts on “Her Power

  1. Kayla Lords

    /squeeeee! You wrote!!!!

    Imagine my surprise when I turned from one project to this tonight and my first email to read was your blog. Yay!

    Talk about burning the candle at both ends…you know I’m with you right there.

    It’s funny – I don’t want power, not for more than a second at least. When I have it, it’s heady and overwhelming…but I’m happy to hand it over or have it snatched back, whichever you prefer. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit there’s some excitement that goes along with you taking the control back, too. 🙂

    It comes down to trust and communication, as you said. Without it, none of this works.

    I love you, Daddy.

    1. southerns Post author

      Yes, I wrote. 🙂

      Finally I feel like I have reached a point where I have caught up with myself and tonight was the night.

      You are burning the candles right along with me that is very true. You are working as hard as I am for this and our effort is paying off.

      In some ways when I give you that power it is like giving you rope and seeing how far you will go with it. Many times I can see when you have reach the end of your rope and I pull it and you back.

      Part of that excitement for you is not knowing how far I will let you go before taking back what is mine.

      It does something else as well it shows me where you are at and how far I can then push your boundaries.

      I love you too babygirl!

  2. Serafina

    Loved reading this- we also have a strong dynamic and like Kayla- I would not trade it for anything!

    1. southerns Post author

      When you are with the right person and you build that dynamic on a solid foundation it is a wonderful thing to watch grow and flourish.

  3. LittleBoPeep

    Very nice to read your words again. Touch is a big part of our dynamic as well. As you may have guessed I love sensation play, I love being touched and touching. Punishment is not being allowed to touch. It stings more than any physical punishment. The control DMW has constantly amazes me, since I lack any self control where he is concerned.

    1. southerns Post author

      Thank you LBP, it felt good to sit down tonight and let my fingers roam over the keyboard.
      You and Kayla then both share a love of sensation play. I do like giving her a plethora of feelings and one thing I have made a habit of during our play is that I always touch her with my hands to let her know that I am there.

      As with her not being allowed to touch is the worst kind of punishment for her, it carries great weight.

  4. Wldwestangel

    Lots and lots and lots to think about. Thank you for more on this, SSir. 🙂 I appreciate the elaboration. I have much to share with Mr.HH.

    1. southerns Post author

      Glad I gave you something to think about WWA, that is the whole point of this lifestyle to make you think and grow.

  5. Page Princess

    Good to see you take a break from eating the elephant to visit with us. You’re one day closer to the last bite.
    lots to think about, as usual. If I remember correctly, the Bible makes a similar observation: a couple must be similarly yoked (or in our community, kinked)

    1. southerns Post author

      Each bite brings us one step closer and yes it felt good to be able to sit down at the computer and do some writing, I’ve missed it and hope to have more time in the near future.

      I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I think there is a very close correlation to the two, both the Bible and kink so to speak.

      Ephesians 5:22 says –
      Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

  6. Christina Mandara

    Finding a like-minded soul is hard enough and that’s just the start of things… hope you two manage to get together soon, though. The hard work will be worth it, promise!

    1. southerns Post author

      Thank you Christina, each day brings us a little bit closer. Being of like minds has helped tremendously, even to the point that we both commented on how well we work together overcoming any obstacle that seems to pop up.

  7. Wordwytch

    We call that urge to touch “touch hunger”. Should be right up there with desire for chocolate, sex and um… Sunshine!

    1. southerns Post author

      Interesting, I didn’t realize it had a name, although I do recognize the “hunger” for all all those things.

  8. Pingback: reblog | Finding Me

  9. Cheeky Minx

    It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest that you like her sass!

    Thank you for sharing more of your beautiful connection. It never fails to leave me smiling…

    1. southerns Post author

      Minx, so glad I could make you smile.

      As for her sassy side, yes I do love it, when it pops out it can be fun and playful.


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