Holding Back

By | January 5, 2014

Several days ago little flower and I were playing, later that evening while we were talking she asked me about holding back. I looked at her with a quizzical look and asked her to explain what she meant.

She told me that when I was giving her a spanking that that she could tell I was holding back. We talked about it and she told me she could tell that the Beast was lurking but he wasn’t fully out. That he was hovering just on the edge.

I thought about what she said and in a way she was right.

There were a number of things that had been on my mind that day which had been the cause of me holding back. One was her neighbors, she lives in a townhouse and the walls are not the thickest. There are many times I can hear them thumping around next door.

Another thing that I told her was I know that the other day when we were just playing lightly her pain tolerance was very low. Even the slightest of nips that I was giving her seemed to bother her more then normal. I do love to nip and bite her, her skin is so soft and sweet I just can’t resist it.

The other thing that had been weighing heavy on my mind is that today I will be heading back home after a two week stay. Even though I am writing this several days in advance it still sits heavily on my mind.

The other thing, the big thing at least to me and I don’t know if this is something that other Dom’s have thought of or about. Lately for some reason I have been thinking a lot about what if I can’t stop, what if I push to far. What happens if there comes a time I can’t pull back?

We have a safe word, we never play without it. Little flower has even used it a few times and play has come immediately to halt, but there is always that thought. What if?

We talked some more and in the end I realized that yes the Beast does need to come out and play more.

Now I will say when it comes to the rules I have imposed upon her I do not relent in the least, they are written in stone and they are to be followed with no exception.

The next day (Friday) found us with a number of errands to run and the morning was quite full of things we had to take care of. We got out on the road and began knocking things off the list. On our list of places to go and things to do was to find a ball gag and some new nipple clamps. We had discussed ways to keep the noise level down and I decided in the end of all the things possible a ball gag would be the best.

The alligator nipple clamps were losing their bite and I wanted to look for some clover clamps.

The ball gag was found easily enough but the clover clamps were sold out, someone had come in and bought the last five sets they had in the store. (I want to go to their party!)
Instead I found a set of clamps based on surgical clamps, not quite what I had wanted but they looked like they would get the job done.

Once our last errand was completed we headed home. When the bags were put away and everything was where it needed to be I told her to go upstairs, strip and wait for me.

It was only a couple of minutes before I was making my way up the stairs and to the bedroom, there she was like the good girl she is, naked, standing in the middle of the room waiting for me. The first thing I did was put the ball gag on her, it fit nice and snug. I figured the best way to test it out was to then put on the new nipple clamps.


It took a moment of adjusting but I got them on nice and snugly and to give both them and the ball gag a test I gave a sharp tug on the clamps. Sure enough her reaction was immediate and the sounds that emanated from her were nicely muffled.

At that point I put my left arm around her waist from behind holding her and began spanking her, not hard, at least not yet, I wanted her warmed up. Cheek to cheek one after the other, I could feel the heat beginning to rise up in her skin and I looked to see my work and her ass was starting to glow a nice pink color.

After a few more minutes of that she indicated she had enough of the ball gag and I removed it from her mouth, but I was not down yet. I removed the nipple clamps at the same time and she let out the most delicious little yelps as I released each one. I ordered her to the bed where she was to lean over it on her stomach with her feet on the ground. Now that she was warmed up I began using the tips of my fingers instead of my palm and spanking her ass in an upward motion.

What had started out as a pink color was now turning a rosy red. My hand needed a break so I broke out The Devils and began using them both at the same time. I alternated between swinging them like a flogger and cracking them like a whip. Her skin had gone from warm to hot now.

I needed a break and ordered her to stay where she was till I got back.

A few minutes later when I returned she had not moved an inch, I didn’t make a sound till I was right behind her and told her I was going to get on the bed and she was to lay over my lap.

She did so without any hesitation and a small whimper or two. I lay one hand on her back and massaged her ass with my other. I then told her that I wasn’t done just yet and there was still more spanking to come.

Since it had been a few minutes I again began slowly and warmed her back up again. Once she was warmed up I told her from that point to count each time I spanked her.

She dutifully counted each and everyone I gave her, each one harder then the last. My intention was to push her, to see how long she would last before enough was enough for her. 50 strokes and a total of 45 minutes later she collapsed on me, boneless and spent.

I helped her roll over and sit up at which point I gave her a drink of the iced tea on the nightstand.
I then climbed in next to her holding her in my arms as she lay there floating deep in sub space.

Yes, it felt good not holding back.

23 thoughts on “Holding Back

  1. Christina Mandara

    Who needs gym membership with a spanking session like that one. Wonderful! Bet there was some adrenaline flowing in that room šŸ˜‰
    By the way if you’d like a promo spot with your new book, let me know šŸ™‚

    1. southerns Post author

      Exactly, the best personal trainer there can be.
      Thanks, I will let you know…it is getting closer.

  2. Mynx

    That was one hot session Sir! Btw…those clover clamps are nasty little sob’s, and NOT on my favorites list!

    My heart hurts for both of you that your time together is over, I know how hard separation is, but can’t imagine how hard enduring weeks or months would be.
    I hope the next time you have to be in each others arms is right around the corner.

    Hugs to you both, Mynx

    1. southerns Post author

      It was one of the most intense spanking sessions we have had yet.
      After two weeks it is admittedly even very difficult for me this time.

  3. Kayla Lords

    I can ALWAYS tell when you hold back. That’s the beauty of our level of communication and the depth of our relationship. You’re communicating even when you aren’t speaking. And I’m always listening.

    That was a delicious spanking.

  4. Mynx's Sir

    That’s certainly one way to leave an ‘impression’ Mr Brownstone!

    On the subject matter -holding back- there are some excellent points which combined, make up a whole other post, which maybe you’ve already done but part of which falls in line with Vile’s recent post about what to if Johnny Law comes to your door. In your situation, your holding back is very valid. Mynx and I used to be town house dwellers and it would have been difficult to pull TTWD off- so ball gag or not, really I’m not sure how you do it? Truly, I’m impressed!

    Hotel sex is another of the same challenge- it’s almost like living with your parents or something, right?! I mean you wanna let it all out but you temper yourself totally in order to keep control. We live in a single family home with the neighbors a good bit away, but it’s country living. While the walls are nicely insulated, there’s no animal which makes the kind of sounds Mynx does when she’s on the verge of the Mother of all Orgasms! So I think that we all really have to keep some semblance of control and sanity in check all the time.

    We used to think that Hotel Sex was the best! Well, the truth is that it was because there no kids to have to explain the weird noise coming from the bedroom to. But recently, I stumbled across a video on YouTube of a hotel hallway and door. Clear and present sex was happening on the other side, and while it was nothing at all like Mynx noises, the woman gave her share of “no’s” followed quickly by “oh yes, that’s it, don’t stop” etc… which grew into her climax. While entertaining, if some jealous asshole or (politically correct version) “concerned citizen” would have raised the alarm, they quite possibly could have both ended up explaining themselves from the ‘pooky’ and Barny Fife would have been elated that ‘nothing got past him!’ So, kudos to you for that control, and further, finding a way to extend that control through the ball gag. BTW- the phrase, -put a sock in it- comes to my mind, yes, I have and it works well too and can stay in for extended periods of time, just as an alternative. Hydration becomes very important for your submissive when employing this use!

    Yet another very insightful post Sir! Your choice of words and wisdom are genuinely appreciated by us and the whole of this community. Remember, a spank a day keeps VBH away!

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

    1. southerns Post author

      The impression is still there this morning, yes I looked.

      Having read Viles post was also something that was on my mind as well. Which was another factor that lead to my holding back.

      The one thing though that is in our favor is that fact that when I am visiting usually her neighbors are at work during the day and that is a big help as well.
      But this time it was while school is out as well and there were a few people home which was something that was on my mind as well.

      As for hotel sex and play we have done that a number of times as well. The one big thing in our favor is we both live in tourist areas. By 5 pm the hotels begin filling up at the end of the day.
      In the morning once breakfast is over they tend to be empty s people are headed out to the various locations.
      This leaves the hotels veritably abandoned so making noise is not to much of a concern.

      We did talk about using panties or other such articles for gagging but it was half jokingly pushed aside as it was pretty well determined that before a session was over she would have shredded them to nothing.
      Hence going with the ball gag.

      During and especially after play I am very big on hydration. There is always a couple bottles of water on the nightstand prior to playing and in this case a large cup of iced tea as well.

      Now Sir it seems you have stumped me as I am unfamiliar with VBH.

        1. southerns Post author

          Ahh yes, needed a bit of a memory jog there…I will blame it on not enough coffee quite yet.
          Also I will put it down as that Kayla does not have an alarm clock when I am here as I am her alarm clock and have a special way of waking her up in the morning.

          Consider the hug given and thank you for the wish for safe travels.

  5. LittleBoPeep

    Southern Sir- Transition after two weeks of 24/7 will be difficult, hearts are aching for you both all over WP today. I did have to chuckle about hotel sex, as my Sir and I have traveled quite a few times this year for family obligations and business. Whenever possible, my Sir will get an adjoining room for our 3 children, all of whom are teenagers. Around 2 am one night we were playing and my phone went off. Our oldest son sent us this text ” WE CAN HEAR YOU”, to which my Sir had me reply ” TURN YOUR MUSIC UP”. šŸ™‚

    1. southerns Post author

      It will be difficult to transition back I am trying to be prepared as much as possible for it.

      That is certainly a funny story, I could see me doing something like that šŸ™‚

    2. Wildwestangel

      That makes me giggle and remember “packing” again, LBP.

  6. Renee Heath

    Ah subspace. Time seems suspended and pleasure abounds throughout the body. It’s like breaking out in the most delicious of goosebumps. Floating and falling. But oh, so safe. In the arms of the one that loves you.

  7. Wordwytch

    Lovely post. Wolf holds back too, and I have to admit, I don’t mind. šŸ™‚ There are times he doesn’t and oh… oh! (drat that Armageddon).
    As for hotel sex… Wolf loves to bait me. See if he can make me cry out. Brat. šŸ™‚ Had to laugh about the turn the music up comment. That was standard when all the kids were home. šŸ™‚

  8. Diane

    I am a long time lurker. I enjoy your blog very much. Thank you for this post. I have been thinking about this topic for some time. I know my husband has been holding back when he spanks me. We have talked about it a few times. I have asked him to spank me harder and sometimes he does but only once has it been intense enough to send me into sub-space. I really liked sub-space and really want to go back. My husband keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to hurt me. I thought that he was assuming that I was too delicate (even though I assure him I have a high pain tolerance). Maybe all this time he was afraid to let his inner beast out. I now feel bad that I underestimated him yet very excited to think that I may meet the beast soon. šŸ˜‰

    1. southerns Post author

      Most if not all subs hope to be able to reach sub-space. Not everyone can get there each and every time though, but when they do achieve it they describe it as being the most wonderful thing.

      Diane I do hope you get to see the Beast soon.
      Thanks for your comment.

  9. Vile

    I will admit as a sadist in the past I catch myself , well at least in my thoughts. Arianna has never said anything or noticed my thoughts, but they past.
    I believe it is much different when your in love maybe or maybe not.
    I know she does not deal with pain and I respect that. I get my enjoyment in different ways. So the pain is just a passing thought.

    1. southerns Post author

      I have heard both sides of being in love, one is that you tend to hold back, the other is that because you love her you will give her what she needs.
      There were a number of things on my mind at that time which culminated in the perfect storm so to speak. Thankfully i was able to break free from the clouds.


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