By | May 28, 2014


As Dominants we do many things that our subs allow us to do, as masochists to our sadism we embark on a journey of both mind and body. In the D/s aspect we again use our power to lead and guide as best we can, growing ourselves and learning as much as a sub does. In doing this we delve in the deepest darkest places that in some cases have never seen the light of day in a subs mind.

We dust off cobwebs in their mind shining a light and guiding them along a path. This journey we take them on is not always of a sexual manner but also one of self discovery and growth. For some it is behaviour modification where a Dom moulds and shapes them. Other times it is as simple as giving them structure and stability.

In doing this we delve in the deepest darkest crevices of their minds, we poke, prod, nudge, and explore. For the most part it is a harmonious trip one that brings each in their own way happiness; for a sub a peace of mind they have been seeking with the right person, for a Dom the feeling that they are leading and being given the love and devotion of a submissive. When we dig in a subs mind like this it is the closest we can come to a Vulcan mind meld.

While it is and can be a wonderful thing we also need to remember to tread lightly as we are also walking in a minefield. One filled with hidden traps and triggers that may have lay hidden for a very long time. It is our responsibility as Dom’s to keep an awareness that these triggers or land mines exist and at some point and time will be exposed.

When one of those land mines are triggered we need to be aware and ready to deal with what comes. It is a part of the responsibility we signed up for when we took on a sub. We as Dom’s are our subs emotional homestone, their rock and in these instances we need to be more so then ever. We need to be there to help them emotionally process the feelings and fears that have been uncovered and brought to the light of day.

Are you willing as a Dom to hold your sub while they cry uncontrollably for several hours?
Are you willing as a Dom to listen to your sub as they ramble on trying to put into words feelings and emotions that lay dormant and hidden for years?
Are you ready as a Dom to hear about things they may be ashamed of and have never shared with anyone?

Being there for your sub at this time is like a form of aftercare, rubbing a salve on an open sore that just had the scab ripped off of.

We Dominants we love the gift of submission our subs have given us and are thrilled when we have our fun with a flogger or tie our sub up with rope and any other such thing as we may enjoy. The truth of what we do goes far beyond that and we are bound to be there not only for the fun times but when things can and invariably will go wrong as well.

17 thoughts on “Triggers

  1. Oceanswater

    Well said Sir! You are so correct about minefields. There are many very disturbed women who can be subs, but may also require counseling or other mental health treatment. If they don’t get the help they need, you may want to reconsider falling asleep in her presence. One never knows the consequences of a trigger. Great post!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Oceanwaters, you are correct although what you describe is in a sense an extreme case. Hopefully when these landmines are unearthed it is by a couple that have been together for a while and there is enough trust to alleviate the worst case scenario. It is a bit scary thinking that a new Dom or even one that hasn’t known a sub that long would be digging that deeply in someones head. Again a good Dom will also recognize when they are not qualified to offer help and urge their sub to seek professional help. Thanks for the comment 🙂

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  3. Franco Bolli

    Right on, Sir.
    I have reblogged this post as I too want to emphasize our responsibilities towards those we love and who give us, amongst others, their trust.
    Wonderful and insightful post Sir.
    Have a great day.
    Franco Bolli.

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  5. Mynx's Sir

    Mr Brownstone- Well Done!

    I would happily reblog this if WP would cooperate, but alas, I tend to think the same folks would be reading again that which you’ve already so wonderfully articulated. 🙂

    Point of note- I believe it was Mr Vile who said there is some sort of “issue” lurking for those who are submissive. And while I believe there is a high degree of truth here, I tend to think we all have some issue or baggage. You’re spot on in that we need to be there for our lg’s / sub’s / slaves in whatever way we can- most especially providing “su(b)pport.” Through this mechanism, we learn so much about them- their needs, wants, desires, challenges, and, most importantly, what makes them who they are and why they are so special to us Doms, Daddys & Masters.

    The truth is, as Mr Vile has stated repeatedly, the Dominant cannot possibly be there for the submissive in the case extra-marital affairs, quite the same way you and I (and other respectable Dom’s) can to honor their sub’s by helping them cope. I, for one, travel frequently with my job. It is difficult when I’m away to provide the proper guidance and support which is sometimes required. However, in 99.9% of the occasions where an issue has surfaced, technology, such as FaceTime, GoogleChat, etc… Has overcome the bulk of the issue. Technology coupled with trust and honour have created this safe haven from the “land-mines” of life you spoke of. This same fortuitous option has allowed me a delay or reprieve in addressing the challenge until I can hold my Mynx close, soothing and comforting the challenges of the day away. I know that you and miss Kayla are of similar mindset when it comes to these technological advancements; simply stated, it allows us to be ever-more consistent while we’re apart from those we cherish.

    Wonderful post, Mr Brownstone…

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you Mr. TW,
      You are correct that Mr. Vile has it spot on that a married man cannot be there to give a sub the support, guidance, and care that is needed. A great deal of responsibility goes along with what we do.

      We owe it to our dubs to be able to give them our undivided attention asnd know that they can count on us.

      As always thanks for your wonderful insight!

  6. Wordwytch

    When it comes to triggers, sometimes the sub needs to remember to speak up, because while their Dom may be very good, they aren’t always mind readers. On occasion, a Dom will not notice an issue. (yeah, ya’ll aint perfect!) Or, sometimes an issue that was “solved” may come back up.

    Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      It really does all circle back to communicating, but then I know all to well when communication breaks doen there is nothing.
      My mind reading abilities are slim to none. Now it can be said that one can pick up on certain nuances and suspect something is wrong but there again communicating exactly what it is then coes into play.


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