By | March 24, 2014

Just for the record I want everyone who reads my blog to know that W/we (myself and little flower) do not use our blog to air things between use. By the time something is posted on our respective blogs we have talked things through and they have been resolved, punishment received if needed and we have moved on. Writing about it is more of a chronicle of the dynamic of our relationship.

For those of you that read Kayla’s blog you know she is away on a business trip and has met with a couple friends from blog land Mr. TW and Mynx.
Everyone had a great time and one more meeting is happening before she returns back home.

Now that being said, Kayla has certain rules to follow and being long distance I have to take it on faith that she is being a good girl. I will say that she is a good girl but like everyone she is not perfect.

I monitor her eating habits, since she has a tendency to be an emotional eater due to a few slips that have occurred now before she eats or drinks anything it has to be approved by me. Many times this takes place in the form of an email in the morning telling me what has has planned for breakfast and lunch, which on a normal day to day basis works well. For dinner time or snacks it is usually a quick txt to me and I respond with a yea or a nay.

Now with her meeting Mr. TW and Mynx I gave her free reign for the night, one because she had been very good and I don’t deny her a treat now and again. So she went to dinner with them with no expectation of having to ask me about the entire meal and drinks.

The following night however this was not the case.

Saturday was a very busy day for me, first thing in the morning my motorcycle went into the shop for a much needed repair. Then that afternoon a birthday party, then from there to a class on BDSM and when you need to call 911. So I was on the move.

I knew she was meeting some colleagues that were there for the convention as well but through it all I never heard a peep. Now during the class I did have my phone on mute as I do not think it is appropriate when someone is giving a class to have your phone set to ring. During breaks I did check my messages and even sent her a few txt’s.
Now after the class I did get a txt from her that she was out with so and so and she had a few drinks.

It wasn’t until I got home that she called me and I could hear how drunk she was. Now I am not against drinking, I enjoy a drink now and again within reason. At the top of my list is a Jack and Coke on ice.

As she talked she was slurring her words, giggling, carrying on and even at one point I had to tell her to tone it down as she was shouting in my ear. I won’t go into what happened after that if you want to read about you can do so here: No you May Not

Sunday evening when she called we talked more in depth about what had happened and I offered my take on what it was. During the day I thought that it was possible that with her meeting with Mr. TW and Mynx it made her miss me even more and that she was acting out for attention. I listened to as she told me that wasn’t what it was.

She talked and I listened, what it came down to in the end it was peer pressure from the people she was with. So my question to her was, so your friends and putting pressure on you to drink is more important then following Daddy’s rules. She hesitated for a moment and responded that in a vanilla setting like this it isn’t always easy to follow protocol; pulling out her phone, txting me, and waiting for a response.

My immediate response to her was “I’m getting you a bracelet.” before I even finished she said I already gave her one.

This one would be different I told her, it would have something engraved on it. WWDD (What Would Daddy Do)

Then she brought up that it would be easier if we were together, and in some sense I have to agree it would be but then I pointed out to her that even if we were together she still would be away and on a business trip so there would still be that distance.
Again I answered with well little one, just keep in mind WWDD.

Now I am curious to others in a full time D/s relationship how do you handle such situations?

When you are in a totally vanilla setting how do you get around maintaining your D/s side following your rules without making it obvious to others what you are doing?

47 thoughts on “WWDD

  1. Mynx's Sir

    SSir- I agree with your line of reasoning here, and perhaps in your setting of the expectations, if those expectations are not lived up to, the ensuing agreed punishment should be the result, as in this instance. I also think that one incident doesn’t make a person just as one muffed scene doesn’t make a bad dominant or submissive- but the dialogue afterward is hugely important, much the same as it is for both an amazing scene and one that didn’t work out so well. I think you handled this well and the bracelet is an excellent idea.

    For this instance, I believe, there is a certain threshold which should not be crossed. If it is, there are consequences. For example, in so far as Mynx and Kayla meeting once more, my expectations have been agreed upon with Mynx regarding alcohol consumption and her responsibilities. I would also agree that there is a point of excess when decisions become difficult, and the right ones even more so- frankly, we’ve all probably been there at one point or another. I believe it evolves beyond rules to a point of personal responsibility to care for one’s self beyond the peer pressure, and it’s not easy, but it is achievable.

    I think your relationship in particular is an awesome one, it fosters both personal growth in and out of the dynamic as well as personal responsibility. I think miss Kayla is a good girl and would do nothing to purposefully harm that sanctity. Your level communication with her is outstanding, and forgiveness is powerful. Keep doing what we would expect from miss Kayla’s Daddy- it’s working well Sir!

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

    1. southerns Post author

      I agree with you, one misstep does not define someone as no one is perfect much less myself. The communication is paramount whether it be a scene gone bad, a rule broken, or even as a Dom making a bad decision as that happens as well.

      Again, it is that thing that prior to their getting together again it was talked about that there would be some wine and that is fine.

      Peer pressure is a tough thing, in my younger days I succumbed to it as well. Kayla is a good girl and I know she was not out to rock the boat deliberately. A momentary lapse of reason is more of what it was.

  2. Kayla Lords

    Every time I read this post, I cry again. You and I have spoken, at length, and all is well.

    The pressures of this particular vanilla life I lead are overwhelming at times and I’m sure I’m not the only submissive who finds it difficult to marry the two lives from time to time.

    Like every other submissive I know, I’m most upset and deeply ashamed that, for even a few moments, I disappointed you with my behavior, regardless of the reasons or situation I found myself in.

    I won’t lie or pretend otherwise – I miss you desperately. Life won’t be perfect when we’re together, but it will be better. This has definitely been one of those times when I wished you were with me.

    I love you, Daddy.

    1. southerns Post author

      It is difficult to marry to two worlds, of that there is no doubt. Knowing there is a bit of a stretch between when we see one another is not making it any easier either.

      You do have a good juggling act that you have to do on a daily basis with your work. As much as I can at this point I do my best to be there for you and ease as much of it as I can.

      No, life won’t be perfect when we are together, there will still be obstacles to overcome but at that point we will overcome them together!

      I love you too babygirl!

  3. LittleBoPeep12

    Sigh…. I had a WWSD that reminded me to think things through before leaping. I posted about it in January. The clasp must have broken on it, because somewhere between the house and my office it went missing. I was upset, but sadly, DMW has not noticed or if he has, he hasn’t commented. May I recommend Tatum and Bradley’s cuff bracelets? They are custom and do great work. That’s where I got Mynx’s and mine. (Also a post, LOL) there is nothing to break and they are very attractive.

    1. southerns Post author

      I will certainly look into them LBP, thank you
      I found the site and they do look very nice.

        1. Mynx's Sir

          Sorry- 🙂

          I gotta be meeee, I gotta be frrreeeee! I’ll go it alone, that’s how it must beeeee! I can’t be right for somebody else, If I’m not right for meeeee! I gotta be freeeeeee, I’ve gotta be meeee! Daring to try, to do it or die! I’ve GOTTA beeeeeee meeeee! 🙂

          Whew- so was that as good as a nose lick?! 🙂

          1. Wldwestangel

            Maybe Mr. TW should reevaluate his coffee consumption so late at night…the singing lyric could be a sign that he is approaching the limit….

          2. Wldwestangel

            An obvious sign you’ve had too much coffee: you are still up at this hour in your time zone.

          3. Mynx's Sir

            Still working miss Angel, just taking a wee break to clear my head. BTW- same for me on coffee, just doesn’t have any affect on me… although I did buy a 6-pack of Corona on my way here which has been chilin in my mini fridge waiting for me to have some face time with it, lol! 🙂 Tsh-pop! Ahhhhh, that’s better…

          4. Wldwestangel

            Mr. TW you make me laugh. Sorry you are still working at this ungodly hour in your time zone. I thought that kind of sorry schedule was limited to fewer of us. I just got home about an hour ago. This is an early Monday night for me. And…I’m having some tea.

          5. Mynx's Sir

            I raise a glass to those everywhere filling their bodies with the elixir of choice in pursuit of workaholism, cheers! 🙂

          6. Wldwestangel

            That’s how I feel about iced tea….no limit and always the right time.

          7. southerns Post author

            The caffeine in coffee doe not affect me, I can drink it right up until I go to sleep.

          8. Wldwestangel

            Me either, and I start my morning with iced tea and go to bed with a glass on our nightstand. No one ever even suggests that I cut back anymore. Got a 44oz from Sonic with me right now as I work in my office. 🙂

      1. Wldwestangel

        I’m glad I wasn’t the first one to speak to how cute they are. I was thinking it but not saying it. 🙂 and Yay for sparkles!

  4. Foreverherknight

    I don’t comment much, online but wanted to make a quick reply to this post. My b/g WWA has to deal a lot with travel times both for her job and for personal reasons, and this type of “peer pressure” comes up frequently around her family. I am not usually with her, and therfore, finds it very hard to hold the hard line and take a stand against what her family thinks she should do. She goes into meltdown mode when she is there because of this. I am thinking that your bracelet idea will work well for my little one, and no one would be the wiser ( she loves sparkly, shiny things!) Be sure, the texts will continue, but the bracelet is a constant reminder that daddy is still here and her decisions should be based on what I would choose for her–ultimately –what is BEST for her. Thanks for the great post.


    1. Wldwestangel

      Sir, I am so glad that this helped explain my problem. Thank you for reading it and for commenting. Muah!! AND I CANT WAIT UNTIL MY BRACELET ARRIVES!!!!! Squeeee!!!!!!

  5. Tori Carson

    I’m not in social situations much anymore without my Love by my side, but when I was in the corporate world I faced this issue. For us, we would discuss beforehand his expectations and whatever guidelines he established became my game plan. If he said no dessert, I would smile and say, no I’m being good tonight. I never mentioned that they were His expectations. I just owned them as if I’d made the decision myself. It wasn’t foolproof, but it worked most of the time.

    1. southerns Post author

      Tori, that is an excellent way to work around some of these situations that come up.
      Most of the time we are able to talk about things prior to her going to an event like this, sadly it was one of those moments that slipped past.

      Not being together 24/7 has not helped either but that is the goal we are working towards.

  6. Wldwestangel

    I travel away from my Sir almost every month for either my primary job or my side job with my family in another state. It has always been difficult for me and I tend to NOT eat or sleep due to the stress of both the trips and being away. Although we have had texting and face time in the last few years, the pressure to maintain our agreements becomes very difficult for me sometimes. Nt because I want to disappoint him but because I am tired and my defenses are down. Although we haven’t been formally following a D/s protocol for long, we have certainly had much of the dynamic present in our relationship for years and it is never more apparent to me than when I am gone and our normal checks and balances are absent. I have some extended trips upcoming this spring away from him and I am already starting to feel the tension of this weighing down on me. We discussed it last night and I almost had a complete meltdown just talking about the pressures of being away. I read this today, having already read Kayla’s last night, and knew that this was speaking to our situation too. I sent the link to Mr. HH (FHK) and finally I think my issue made perfect sense to him. So thank you to both you and Kayla for being willing to share your difficult issues. It is helping us make a proactive plan for a very complex problem we face. It is not just distance relationships that struggle with these things. Gotta get off now and send a link to a customizable bracelet. Sending a big hug to both of you for your help!

    1. southerns Post author

      WWA, I understand what you are saying here and that also was part of the discussion between Kayla and I. She doesn’t want to disappoint either but the pressure of traveling, the whirlwind of meetings and classes it can wear one down.

      Her and I talked during lunch and I pointed something out to her as she has been a bit upset about this. This is a point of growth for us. It is a stepping stone in our relationship. They should be looked upon not as a stumbling block but as a stepping stone to move forward.

      What I have tried to get Kayla to understand and this may help you as well even though sometimes easier said then done….put that worry and stress in the hands of HH. That is what he is there for, to help carry that load.

      1. Wildwestangel

        That is exactly the challenge for me. I have not trusted HH to be able to take the heat for me, and that is exactly what it is going to take for me to get through this. I agree that this “aha” has to happen to find resolution to what will continue to be a persistent problem in our lives. Growth is change, and change is always hard for me. In fact, Mr. HH reminds me constantly that I HATE change but change is necessary. Kayla, feel free to jump in here!

        1. southerns Post author

          Change is not always easy but it is not always bad either, some change is good it denote growth.
          Trust takes time but a that trust builds you will find yourself more and more giving over to him.

          1. Wldwestangel

            The pathetic truth is that I should have already trusted him. It makes me disappointed in myself. I can see where I have withheld my respect and honesty and it has hurt our relationship, but I have turned the corner. I’m all in now. Mostly. Especially when he gives me The Look or The Voice.

  7. Rose

    SS, I read this, and all the replies so far. The thought I had was this : It is obvious that the two of you are working very hard in this relationship, both apart and together. It seems that this situation has simply never come up before, that this was a learning experience for both of you. With that in mind, you handles it, (In my opinion) very well. I sincerely doubt Kayla will forget the lesson very soon.
    A suggestion for the future might be to go over the entire itinerary of her trip, make sure you have a copy of it (which you likely already do). If there are last minute deviations form the plan a quick text would be in order form her, with you responding your directions in regards to the change. This would work even for a suddenly planned evening with friends or colleagues.
    As far as the peer pressure, That is tough.
    I am near Kayla’s age and have a touchy relationship with alcohol. Sometimes, in some situations, it is better to avoid it altogether. But in my opinion, that has to be her decision, with you backing her up, holding her to it, supporting her.
    I still say however, disappointing you with her decision, is something she is not likely to forget soon, for that reason, this may resolve itself as ‘Lesson Learned.”


    1. southerns Post author

      thank you for your comment. True, this was the first time something like this came up. As with anything else we have faced we look at it as a growing and learning experience.
      Keeping the lines of communication open is very important as well.

      I like your idea of going over the itinerary before hand that way it takes out assumptions on both sides. While we do talk about it before hand it had not been in great detail.

      Peer pressure is tough no matter how young or old one is. Saying No can be hard.

      In the end Rose I think it was a lesson learned for both of us.

  8. Wordwytch

    I think you’ve gotten some very good suggestions and Q&A here. While Wolf’s and my D/s relationship is very gentle, we do have our ‘phrases’ that come up which work their magic. Often times it isn’t even so much what is said, but the tone of voice.

    1. southerns Post author

      I was debating on whether or not to write this and then how to approach it.
      I’m glad I did as the discussion and input has been very helpful and insightful.
      Tone of voice, yes I agree that stands out.

  9. Pingback: Reminders | wildwestangel

  10. Anna Marie Kenward

    I am so glad you were able to resolve this situation amicably. It would be awfully tragic to let something like this come between you. Much better to take it as a learning experience and move on. My LDR is even harder than yours with 5,000 miles between us, we haven’t even met in person yet, but the idea of the WWDD bracelet is simply ace. I love it. My DD is always happy for me to go out socialising when necessary and I keep in touch via KIK to let Him know that I am okay. I am not a great drinker anyway, a few glasses of wine are my limit, but I would be totally obedient to Him if He wanted to test me, or even just to instruct me, beforehand, it wouldn’t matter, I’d obey anyway. I wish you both much happiness and success in the future.

    With much love and hugs to you both

    Anna xx

    1. southerns Post author

      Hello Anna,

      It all comes down to communication, we talk about anything and everything. So yes even this she had her punishment and then we moved forward. Like anything in life it is a learning experience, and opportunity to grow.

      5000 miles is a good bit of distance but as long as you both are able to trust, respect, and most importantly communicate then you have a good chance of making it.

      Thank you for the well wishes and I bestow the same upon you.



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