Do not go Gently – Maintaining Intimacy

By | November 26, 2013

Argue love

I read this on a blog I follow yesterday Naked and a follow up post to it Not Again.

On the follow up it was told from the males point of view and the writer asked if she told it accurately. I wanted to responded in the comments but felt that what I had to say about it would be way to long for a comment box.

Did she tell it accurately? Yes and no.

There lies the difference between a D/s relationship and a vanilla relationship. In a D/s relationship there wold be no rejection, no assumptions, and most of all no silence.

Communication in a D/s or BDSM relationship is imperative; between trust, respect, and communication which are the foundation of the relationship on which all is built. In vanilla relationships, most anyway communication is not always what it should be. People assume things, things are swept under the rug, or name calling and shouting matches occur and the worst of all rejection.

I’m no spring chicken, haven’t been for a while now. Life happens and people get older, things change. Add to that I lived a hard life and by that I mean I worked hard at my chosen career at the time and put my back into it literally for many years. I don’t regret what I did in the least, none of it; even though it has left me with 4 herniated disks. I no longer do that work and now have a more sedate desk job which in it’s own way I love. Even with the pain I experience at times I refuse to take pain medication. I have seen too many people become addicted, lose their homes, family and friends. A control issue on my part? Maybe, probably.

My point here is this though, when I was in my 20’s I could go all night; I could orgasm multiple times. Now that I am 52 thankfully I don’t need any help having an erection but I don’t finish like I used to. Now recently I took a little web quiz about how old you are mentally and I scored as being a mental age of 44 which I do believe and don’t deny. I’ve always felt I am young at heart.

When little flower and I first got together she was concerned that I did not finish as often if at all at times. She thought there may be something that she was doing wrong.

What did we do about it….we talked!

I explained to her that I am getting the utmost satisfaction out of our intimate encounters.

While I may not be able to have the stamina I had 25 years ago I would like to think that I have grown wiser in that as well.

Men lets face it our bodies change as we get older, sometimes low testosterone has an effect. For some diabetes takes it’s toll, and for others it is heart and blood pressure.

That doesn’t mean that sexual intimacy has to come to an end.
If done right all it means is that it changes and it can change for the better.

There are many other ways to satisfy your lover, spouse, girlfriend, SO.

One of my favorite ways is oral, oh how I love going down on her. Knowing I can make her writhe and squirm with a few flicks of my tongue is a HUGE turn-on. Not to mention I love her aroused scent and the way she tastes.

Fingers, use your fingers, trail them across her body, learn what spots are her erogenous zones. Did you know that the skin on the inside of the elbow and knees is thin yet there are lots of blood vessels and nerves running through there? Massaging or running your fingers over those areas can be quite arousing for your partner.
Tease her clit with your fingers, slip them inside her and find her G-spot, yes it does exist and isn’t that hard to find and most women can have very intense orgasms from G-spot stimulation.

Tantric massage is another great way to stimulate your partner. Learn it practice it. Tantric massage not only can be sexually stimulating it can also bring you emotionally closer. Do a Google search on it there are any number of videos online on how to perform it. There are also different methods for men to perform it on women and vice versa.

Toys, oh there are so many toys out there and come on guys we do love nothing more then our toys. Well this is just one more extension of that. The other night we broke in a new glass dildo which was so much fun. There are vibrators of ever shape and size. Anal plugs and anal vibrators. Ben Wa balls. Be creative, sometimes the best toys are right there in your own home.

Who cares that your mother told you you shouldn’t play with food. Whipped cream, chocolate syrup, fruits and vegetables. Yes it can be a bit messy but cleaning up is half the fun.

What about some of those kitchen utensils? Bet you can find something there to turn into a pervertable.

When I am engaged in a scene with little flower whatever pain I am feeling in my back is gone. Why? Because I become so focused on her and what I am doing it slips away. In a way BDSM is therapeutic to me. Nothing else matters to me in that moment. It has to. I have to be totally aware of what I am doing and her reactions to it.

My point of all this is that even though we change as we get older, as life creeps up on us it doesn’t mean it has to slip away. All it means is that with a little communication, a willingness to learn a new trick or two, and the ability to change our thinking and way of doing things our sex life can still be a marvelous thing.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas

 

12 thoughts on “Do not go Gently – Maintaining Intimacy

  1. Franco

    I’m 50+ and I don’t have a problem with getting an erection but I do not cum that easy anymore and wow, I am so happy with that. Now I can go on for hours and stay sexually concentrated on Princess and make her so happy and crazy πŸ™‚ The pleasure of ejaculating is now replaced by a much more and very deep, intense feeling of mental satisfaction that goes on and on and gives, well, more bang for the buck. My pleasure is Princess’ pleasure.

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      That is exactly it, you have hit the proverbial nail on the head. It is a mental satisfaction which is a much deeper and pleasurable level.
      Myself I have found the more pleasure she derives form it the more I want to give and the more I can.
      We think alike in so many ways, as I to feel my pleasure is hers.

      Reply
  2. Christina Mandara

    Can I just say that I love the term ‘pervertable!’ As yes, things change as we get older but the good news is that change isn’t always bad… just lets you explore new directions πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      I have to give credit where credit is due the term “pervertable” came form my good friend Word Wytch.

      Change can be scary but when embraced it can be a lot of fun exploring those new directions.

      Reply
  3. Betsy T

    What an insightful, heartfelt piece of writing! It’s refreshing to find a man who is so in touch with who they are. Little Flower is one lucky girl! I’m really enjoying your blog and think you are a great role model for other dominant gentlemen.

    Reply
  4. Desiree G

    Very sound advice and excellent perspective, Southern Sir. I wish all men had the good sense and communication skills you possess!! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom!!! πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. southerns Post author

      Thank you Desiree, I wish I could say I was always this way, it took me time and a few hard knocks but I myself have learned and grown.

      Reply
  5. Adom

    Hello Sir. My name is Adom and I was told to come check out your site and so I did. This post you wrote up really was e one that hit me the most. You two seem real happy together and that’s what I am trying to do. Anyway, I want to let you know that your words spoke to me here. My wife doesn’t want any part of this because she thinks it weird or freaky. But I do want it. I want what you guys have with my wife, that’s all. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to tell her. Maybe you can help me? Thanks. +Adom

    Reply

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