A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

“I really believe there are things nobody would see if I didn’t photograph them.”
Diane Arbus

I have always believed in the saying that a picture is worth a thousand words as one who is normally behind the camera taking pictures that has rung true to me and the words of the quote above also spoke to me in a way that I wouldn’t have thought if certain things hadn’t happened the way they did this year.

A Photo Collaboration

Back in Feb of this year (2018) Kayla came to me with an idea to join in on Molly’s Feb Photo Fest. Kayla had an idea that we take a similar picture of each other from our own perspective. I agreed to it and all in all I had fun with it. Now I will say that while she took the pictures of me I was posed or she happened to catch me candidly and all in all I was okay with the photos’ she took of me but but I wasn’t really thrilled with my body at the time.

Even after it was done while I was glad we did it I became even more uncomfortable about sharing even semi-nude photo’s of myself. While I happily would take pictures of her for her own blog or even take pics of her to post fro Sinful Sunday I became more and more camera shy myself.

The Painful Journey

It was later the same year in March when Kayla and I traveled to the UK for what was to be a combined trip to celebrate our marriage and attend Eroticon. We were both looking forward to and excited about the trip for various reasons. Sadly for me the trip took a slide downhill.

I have a bad back and the whole time there I was in a fair amount of pain due to muscle spasms. This was due to a number of things but what was a looming contributor was the weight I had gained.

It was that weight which had contributed to my being camera shy and now was giving me grief by exasperating another problem.

A Picture does not Lie

A photo captures a moment in time, little things that you may not notice are there bigger then life.
There is a photo meme on Tumblr called Workingman Wednesday which I had been wanting to participate in. There is nothing sexy or erotic about it as it is just a picture of you doing your work.

Shortly after returning from London I decided I wanted to join it and I set up my camera to take some shots of myself while I was working in my shop.

When I looked at the photos the camera snapped of me while working, instead of being filled with a feeling of pride for the work I love doing and enjoy I was filled with a feeling of total embarrassment when I realized what I must look like to others.

A Change is on the Horizon

While I know all to well that what a person looks like body wise is no way an indicator of who they are as a person, what I saw in my picture made me take stock of some things.

I’m not a young person with six pack abs and I never will be. It made me think about the back pain I had experienced while in London and that I have dealt with for some time on an almost daily basis. It also made me think long and hard about how I disliked my body and didn’t want to be on the lens side of a camera.

I decided I needed to do something and do it soon.

Kayla had been watching videos on a diet and I had been vicariously listening in. I decided to jump in and try to lose some weight. It has been a little over 3 1/2 months now and I have lost 21 lbs. I still have some curves, Kayla calls it my “Dad bod” but I am feeling much better about how I look. I feel better, much better. The back pain which I had to some degree has dropped off significantly.

Changing Perception

Bit by bit, day by day I’m getting better about what I see in the mirror as I have lost weight. Most importantly to me though is that I’m feeling better and not in pain like I was.

Kayla sees the difference more then I do, many times looking in the mirror I don’t always “see” the difference the scale tells me is there. I don’t always “see” the difference that the clothes that no longer fit without a belt being cinched tight by my belt tells me is there.

As I said earlier I will never be the 120 lbs I was in my early 20’s and I don’t want to be but I am working on finding a middle ground somewhere that is right for me.

 

I’m a work in progress and I’m trying to find that middle ground of being healthier and loving my body. Who knows as time goes on and I begin to accept myself more there well may be more pictures of me popping up in the future.

I'm learning to better accept my body and how I feel about it along with having my picture taken.

I’m learning to better accept my body and how I feel about it

 

#F4TFriday

 

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  1. Way to go!
    Keep up the great work…
    And I didn’t think men had body issues … don’t know why just always thought that it is more a woman’s issue.

        • Sassy, I’ve wrestled back and forth with this since Feb Photo Fest. The past few days it has just been niggling at me and when I saw the prompt I just sat down and wrote, then hit publish before I had time to really think about it.

  2. What the fuck is wrong with your body, JB? Dust some of that sawdust off and you might lose a lb. or two. Oh, for the record, stick to posting photos of Kayla, please.

  3. I understand you concern, John. But I also think you should not worry at all. If you may be a little plumpy still, your smile (and your big hands and long and strong thighs 😉 make you hunky.
    May I add than there are things nobody may ever photograph (but which words may make evident) ? 🙂

    • I can handle a bit plump, the weight I was carrying was effecting not just my physical health but my mental health as well. To be honest my stomach was so tight I needed help to tie my shoes.

      Thank you my friend 😊😘 you make me smile as well

  4. Looking good mate! Glad you are looking after yourself, I think it’s important to feel right while maintaining a comfortable lived in body. Lucky Kayla! Indie xx

  5. It was amazing for you to post that and I already knew that body insecurity is not only a female problem. I personally would like to see more of you and they don’t have to be nakie because it is good for your confidence. However underneath it all losing weight does not change your core being even at your heaviest you were the same wonderful man that Kayla loves. Thank you for posting the picture.

    • Thank you for the kind words. We’ll see there may be more pics of me in the future. I know that being heavy or thin doesn’t change who one is as a person. I need to change how I see myself.

  6. Twenty-plus pounds is a huge accomplishment! Feeling good in your own skin – feeling alive and healthy and like yourself again in said skin – is an even bigger one. 🙂

    And are you planning to submit this post to e[lust]? Because, all the YES to body talk from a male perspective! (Deadline is the 7th. Just sayin’… 😉 )

    • Losing what I have so far has made a huge difference in how I feel physically. Doing little things that I took for granted is becoming easier once again.

      Kayla put a bug in my ear about e[lust] as well and I’m giving it some thought.

      Thank you

  7. It’s really refreshing to read about body perspectives from a male point of view, and congratulations on taking positive steps to improve both the physical and, in turn, your emotional health. I know he doesn’t mind me sharing that my Sir experiences the same. You look really happy in your photo, and that’s what shines out more than anything.

    • Kayla has known for some time how I have and still do view my body. We spent a good deal of time last night talking about how far I want to take the weight loss. Kayla has a way that makes me laugh and smile of which I am ever grateful to her for. Having you say your Sir has similar experiences lets me know I am not alone in my thoughts of how I view myself.
      Thank you for your comment.

      • It’s wonderful to have such support, and I think many may have similar thoughts or feelings about themselves, and sometimes that helps too I think, best wishes and thank you for replying.

  8. The battle of the bulge as we get older. I definitely can understand that fight. My recent physical took me by surprise.
    Dropping 21 lbs is no small thing, congratulations good sir. I hope you do find that middle ground you are comfortable with.

    • When I was younger I did very physical work and I was always in decent shape, never had six-pack abs.
      I’m getting there slowly but surely to find that spot.
      What has made it easier is that I believe I have found a way of eating that I am comfortable with as I have tried dieting in the past but they left me lacking and it didn’t last long. I’m seeing what I’m doing as a lifestyle change. So we shall see.

  9. I love this post and wrote a comment last night when it first popped up on my reader which for some reason seems to have disappeared. So now to remember what I wrote lol.

    First of all congratulations on the changes that you have made and the weight that you have lost – that is a brilliant achievement. I am so pleased that it has helped how you are feeling both physically and mentally. Secondly, you look fantastic in this image and I hope that other people saying that will make it easier to believe and to challenge your own doubts. It is really refreshing to see a male writing about these sorts of issues as, despite the reality, it is still something which is perceived as being a female problem and I know that it can affect any one of any age, so thank you for speaking up.

    • This been an ongoing cycle with me for quite some time. While I do have to take my back into consideration I am trying to break that cycle. When I first developed back problems I felt as if my body had betrayed me and it just kept getting worse as I gained weight.

  10. My moment of reality occurred when my daughter turned 21. I was 51. I was about 245# and a size 22 (pushing a 24). I also realized I could no longer just be a granddaughter daughter mother and wife and had to remember and find who I was. I began taking a walk each morning and paying attention to my diet and relatively quickly got down to a low of 179# and a size 14! I found ‘happy’ again

    While I am now up to a fluctuating 200#, I remain a size 14 which I attribute to a CrossFit regimen. Weight up but body contours are healthy for a 55 year old woman.

    While I’d love to see 179# with this more toned body, I remember how 245# felt and I shall not return!

    Other major life changes went along with this journey including a return to embracing my sexuality – what a gift I was wasting!

    • Congrats to you and your journey. As I mentioned in an earlier comment I am trying to embrace this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet.

      Kayla has certainly benefited from this as I have also noticed a big change in my sex drive. (for the better) which has been a big boost to me mentally.

      We talked about exercise last night and while I still do have to be careful with my back since I am out of pain I believe I am ready to step things up in that direction as well.

      Thank you KK

  11. WOW, good of you for losing 21lbs and trying to be healthier. And great that your back is hurting less. I am desperately trying (and failing) on the diet side, but not the exercise part. I believe the diet part will eventually succeed too 🙂

    Rebel xox

    • Thank you Marie, Seems we’re the opposite of one another. I’m doing well with the eating but losing on the exercise. Working on a plan for that.

      I’m sure you will find the right balance that works for you as well. Cutting out sugar and cutting down on the carbs has been a big boost for me.

  12. Lovely post . . . and I know from one of my “hobbies” that a lot of gentlemen (of our generation) often complain of similar worries, but don’t appear to be taking steps to change things.
    So well done for your achievements . . . and I for one, am hoping to see “more” photos !!!
    Xxx – K

    • Thank you very much. In our relationship I often challenge Kayla to break boundaries and do things differently so to speak. I came to realize that the same applies to me and the only way I would break the cycle of pain and emotional discomfort was to push to do something different myself.
      All I could do is try, plus Kayla was behind me just as I have her back.

      Again thank you and who knows, there may be more pics in the future.

  13. Cant tell you how it warms my heart to hear this from a man. We all struggle with out body images in some way. It always seems to be a chick thing so I’m glad to hear a Man step up and admit their feelings and insecurities about it as well. You and Kayla are amazing people and your approach to life in general is refreshing and inspiring. Journeys of any kind are always a learning experience.

    Good wishes to you in this journey. And good job on the progress you’ve made

      • I think life in general is a collaboration of journeys, chapters, that transition through again and again. Some transitions are easier than others but sometimes the transitions teach us more than the journeys themselves.

        • I agree with you wholeheartedly. As one journey nears its end and new one seems to begin and yes it certainly is not about the destination but what you learn and who you meet along the way.

          • It is interesting for me as I look back on my life I can section it into chapters. There is a lot of pain but trying to highlight the positive in those chapters is key. It’s more difficult as sometimes it is harder to find the good things because they are shadowed by the bad. The review of our life’s journey is most times a journey in itself.

          • Sadly there is pain ofttimes mixed in with the good. I’ve found as long as you learn and grow from those bad/down times and life does become much sweeter

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