Dom Drop

It is something you don’t hear much about; Dom Drop or as it is sometimes called Top Drop. No, it is not about a sub dumping their Dom. It is not about a Dom falling out of bed. Nor is it about a Dom falling off a ladder or downstairs for that matter.

Dom Drop is very similar to sub-drop in many respects. When in a scene a Dome is experiencing the very same rush of endorphins just like a sub, add into that a rush of adrenaline as well and you have quite a cocktail. Aftercare of a sub is imperative, there is no dancing around it. I am very big about administering aftercare; once a scene is over, especially if a sub is in deep sub-space they need you to be there for them.

Let’s face it what we do is dangerous, we often joke about TTWD and have a well deserved laugh but the possibility of someone getting hurt especially a sub is very real.

The entire time during a scene a good Dom will be aware of that, it doesn’t go away, it isn’t swept under a rug. A misplaced smack, an unsteady hand with a whip, a rope tie that is to tight causing blood flow to be cut off, the possibility is always there. That is just another aspect of what a Dom bears in his mind, the weight he carries.

Dom Drop can manifest itself in different ways depending on the person, the intensity of the scene or scenes and can be either physical or emotional.

When the rush of endorphins and adrenaline is gone there can be a physical reaction, just like coming down off a candy rush. A better way to look at it is if you have even been in an accident, your senses are heightened, you are dealing with the situation, some people in times like that have even exhibited extreme strength.

Once the emergency is over, the endorphin and adrenaline rush is gone and you crash. You feel every muscle in your body, any injuries you didn’t feel before will now be felt. It sounds a lot like sub-drop and in a sense it is. This can happen to a Dom after a scene as well, it may not manifest itself immediately but can happen a day or more after play.

Myself after our 19 hours of play this past weekend today I felt the muscle soreness sinking in. Slight aches that I didn’t understand until I thought back on all that went on between us this past weekend. Last night I lay down to read for a while before I went to sleep and I ended up falling asleep Kindle in hand and lights still on. I was in such a deep sleep I never even heard the phone ring when she called for our nightly talk.

I have no doubt that the 3 hour ride there and back certainly helped contribute to my exhaustion and soreness but would it have been quite as bad if we didn’t have 19 hours of very intense play? Probably not.

One thing that would certainly help in a case like this is fluids. Drinking a lot of water will help flush your body. I’m sure if anyone who reads here has any medical background they can chime in if I am off the mark. When you do any type of exercise or use muscles hard for a while you can build up lactic acid when carbs are broken down for energy. Drinking water or even Gatorade can help to flush that from your system and alleviate the muscle soreness.

The emotional side of Dom Drop is a little more insidious. I experienced it once very intensely.

This hits you and you may well feel like you are experiencing a deep melancholy, self-doubt, lethargy, listlessness, and in some cases guilt. Spanking, flogging, and causing harm per se to some one goes against the so called norm of society. I know I for one had it drilled into me as a young man you don’t hit women, it just isn’t done. Yet that is exactly what I like to do and enjoy it. Consensual of course.

There is that fine line though; while BDSM is not abuse there can still be that hint of guilt that can creep in.

It is most important when you begin to feel like that you recognize it for what it is Dom Drop!

When this happens there are a number of things you can do. First is to recognize it for what it is. Sometimes taking some “me time” can be helpful, going somewhere quiet and just relaxing, listening to music, reading a book. Do something that challenges you, engaging in a hobby you like.

Don’t stop being a Dom, don’t let your rules and protocols slack. It is like riding a horse, if you fall off you get right back on. The same thing here, don’t stop being a Dom.

Do things that make you laugh, watch a comedy show or movie.

If you find yourself becoming depressed which can happen; communicate! Talk to your sub about what is happening, yes you are the Dominant and are supposed to be strong but there comes a point where the trust and communication aspect steps in if it gets too bad.

Sometimes all it takes is for your sub to tell you that they love you, that they enjoyed what you did during a scene. Tell your Dom that what they did was exactly what you needed that can go a long way to pulling them out of Dom Drop. Even as a Dom we need that gentle reassurance.

Just as we make sure a sub eats healthy before a scene and has plenty of fluids before and after a scene to keep them hydrated and fueled the same goes for us Dom’s.
Eat a good meal before a session, afterwards drink plenty of fluids, while making sure your sub is drinking during her aftercare don’t forget yourself.

While Dom Drop may not happen every time you play being aware of what can happen and taking the steps to lessen it’s impact can go a long way to having a safe, fun, and healthy kinky relationship.

Was this post meaningful and helpful? You might enjoy my new website – Loving BDSM – a community and weekly podcast devoted to helping people find and enjoy healthier D/s relationships and kinky lives. Check it out at

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  1. Thankyou Soutern Sir, I’d never heard of it nor would I have considered it.

    I feel the need to reblog this, I hope you don’t mind?

    I hope you also but this on Fet.
    After reading this it is as important as aftercare for subs

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  3. You’re always so strong for me that I forget this can happen. But it’s easy to tell you I love you and love what you do to and for me…’cause I do. ((HUGS)) You’re a good man, a good Dom, and the perfect Daddy for me.

  4. This is the first time I have heard the phrase ‘Dom Drop,’ but I can relate to everything you said. The adrenaline rush spiking through your body, all senses alert and ready for action – such highs will often produce a low when the adrenaline has left. Good advice on how to tackle it too, whether you’re a Dom or sub – emotional aftercare is important. Great post ๐Ÿ˜‰ May I reblog – with your permission?

    • It is not something that it’s talked about much but it is there. I’ve felt the effects of both at one time or another. Feel free to reblog, thank you

  5. Pingback: #Dom Drop – The Aftermath of #Adrenaline | Christina Mandara

      • My Sir and I talked about this today. He does experience it. We usually talk through our scenes the next day, as we did today and admitted to second guessing a few decisions last night, even though he found them very stimulating. He is concerned that he will go too far or has in the past. I think that talking and being open about concerns helps manage this…I know today he was very tired.

        • It helps to talk about it and communicate with one another. Usually the next day Kayla and I will talk about the scene we did the night before. I don’t like to do it right after as I want her to be able to stay in sub-space as long as possible and help her down from it. When we do that I don’t notice it as much. Now when I leave to comeback home after a visit is when it usually hits me.

          • Right afterwards is impossible. I am usually incapable of movement much less coherent thought. This effect for me can last for quite sometime. Tonight I am just feeling like all my brain cells are firing ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. My kitten and I have been following your blog for a while. This is very helpful and explains a lot to me. Thank for the information and tips.

  7. I am not sure if I have ever experienced Dom-Drop. As far as feeling guilty I am not sure if I have ever felt guilt.
    My first session with a Masochist I was more scared than have the feeling of guilt. I have had other Doms speak of the same thing.
    While in a session My endorphins and adrenaline do run wild and at times I have to sit down to catch my breath or let my mind catch up to me, from the rush, but I am not sure if I would call it Dom Drop.
    We as Dominants are different in every way. We think different, we act different, our personality’s are different.
    I will have to do some thinking on the subject. I know if I did not live with someone and they left I felt that lonely thing come over, I am not sure if that would be a drop.
    Maybe I have and I just never felt it, or knew what it was. Maybe I am not able to feel in that manner.
    Although I care about Arianna and I love her deeply, I have trouble feeling. Or maybe I do feel and it is just in a different way.
    You got me thinking.

  8. Thank you for this post Sir. I am well aware of sub drop but never thought about Dom drop. I so much more appreciation for my Sir now. I will have to be sure to thank him and tell him how much I enjoy our play time.

    • Glad I could give you something to think about. I’m sure your Sir would like hearing how much you appreciate hearing from you that you l like everything he does for you

  9. Interesting article, Sir and I experienced one that day after Princess and I spend a whole week together. Didn’t know what it was at first, I felt sad and depressed. I remember you pointed out to me I was suffering from Dom Drop.
    Kind regards,

  10. Pingback: Thoughts – February 5, 2014 #ASMSG #feb #EroticRomance | Princess and I

  11. Fascinating! I know that Master and i drink tons of Gatorade type drink during play…water too. All that You said here is part of our play as well. Beautifully stated. Thanks Southern Sir!

  12. Im so very glad I came across your blog especially this entry. While Im not sure if I am the norm or not, I do not have the need for sub after care, the after care of my Dom is very important as now we understand what he has. The guilt and emotions that seem to encase him. I had not heard of this until recently and we had no idea this was an issue for Dom as much as it is for most subs. Very glad to now know and now understand how to help and ease this process for him. Thank you.

    • Not everyone experiences drop nor is it always the same person to person. Drop whether experienced by a Dom or sub is not pretty. Glad this helped and gave you direction in how to help your Dom through it.

  13. I’m clearly late to the party on this one, but I agree with you that it’s a real thing that Dom/mes alike need to be aware of. I’ve experienced it and it both did and did not surprise me. I mean, OF COURSE I’d feel something after hurting someone I loved! It kinda makes sense.

    Anyway, I’m glad you wrote this and I hope lots of peeps like us find it ๐Ÿ™‚

    • It is like it is a lost secret in a way or something that is brushed under a rug.
      Glad it was helpful and good to have you drop by, it is like having a celebrity pay a visit.

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  15. Thank you so much for posting this, Sir. I had experienced sub drop for the first time this week, and he had experienced Dom drop a day or two later. This explained it to where I can get it. And sent it to him at work. Thank you again.

  16. Pingback: August 15th – BDSM Anniversary Play Evening #BDSM #Dominance #submission #EroticRomance #spanking | Princess and I

  17. Pingback: Top Drop and Easing Back the Throttle - Deviance & Desire

  18. Had Dom drop for the first time ever. Reading your experience explained what happened to me. Even with the medical training I have you don’t think that it will effect you. I am just pleased that my sub and myself were there for each other.

  19. I know this post is much older, but I found it after looking for the best info I could find. My Sir is very new to the lifestyle, so i sent him this to read over, as we recently experienced Top Drop.

    I want to know, what do you do if both of you enter Top Drop/sub drop simultaneously? It has happened only once, but the emotional crash from it was awful. ๐Ÿ™

    Thank you Sir.
    little bunny, carrots

    • That is a good question actually, a very good question.

      When both of you are experiencing drop at the same time it is important to keep the lines of communication open so you both have an understanding of what is happening.

      The two of you together could curl up on the sofa together and take in a show you both like. Enjoy a snack of some type of comfort food that you like.

      This to is a good reason to have friends in the lifestyle that you can reach out too who understand what you are going through.

      Thank you for your question

  20. Dear southern Sir. Thank you so much for this article. It’s 4 am and i couldn’t sleep from the pain inside. I did a pretty intense scene and took good aftercare of my sub, he’s sleeping now. I was looking at the marks i just finished nursing and bursted out crying (silently) out of guilt and shame, feeling like a failure…and I left for a car ride and now I’m parked in the car. After reading your article I rรฉalisรฉd it might have to do with the fact that I didn’t get feedback.

    Your words “don’t stop being a dom” really helped as well as the advice.

    Anyway. I hope this doesn’t happen too often. I never want to feel like this again.

    • Hello Mel, Dom drop can be pretty intense and scary. It was for me the first time it happened to me. Emotions can be all over the place. Talk to your s type and explain to them what you are feeling, it helps and is all part of communicating. Hang in there and don’t give up. JB

  21. Thank you for this article. I am new to the lifestyle and I thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for it.

  22. I really want to say thank you
    I had the most intense scene yesterday and I had to leave before after care and then spent all night at work

    It hit me super hard today and I didnt know how to deal with it I didnt know what it was I was depressed and self conscious and just not doing well at all and this post helped me so much thank you

  23. Pingback: Dom Drop and Aftercare LB127 - LovingBDSM

  24. It is something I had heard of, and a friend of mine did a writing over on fet. As a sub I take great care to avoid the crash, but after an intense scene where I topped a good friend I looked after him but not me. Top drop took me by surprise, and because I wasn’t expecting it I was unprepared and coped badly.

    It is now on my radar, and I’m much better placed to support friends in need after they have scented and don’t understand what they are going through.

    • It can be scary when you don’t understand what is happening when it comes to drop. Especially since sub drop is openly talked about but not Dom drop.

      Being aware of it and knowing what to do can go a long way. While it is important to see to a subs well being after a scene it is just as important to look after a Dom/Top

  25. Pingback: Top/Dom drop – MissusMistress

  26. Iโ€™m a dom/caregiver and Iโ€™m fairly new to it, so thereโ€™s things that Iโ€™m still learning, and occasionally this has happened to me, Iโ€™m glad that I know what exactly is causing this feeling, and Iโ€™m glad I now know ways to either prevent or fix it. This article has been a tremendous help, thank you.