Thoughts on submission; Intellect, and Creativity

By | May 13, 2013

I had thought I wouldn’t be able to write for a while but as luck would have it I was able to get my hands on a laptop and thanks to Starbucks and their wifi away I go.

“Men,” she said “are only interested in women’s bodies.”

“I have never known a man who was only interested in a woman’s body,” I said “This is not to be deny that to some unusual person might somewhere exist.:

She looked at me.

“If what you say is true,” I said “it would be the case that it would make no difference to a man whether or not the woman he was relating to was conscious or not. Indeed, if what you say is true, it should not even make a difference to him whether he held a sentient woman in his arms or an unconscious mechanism designed to resemble such a woman. I submit, with all due respect, that is not only libelous, but preposterous. Surely no rational person, male or female, if they took a moment to reflect, could entertain so peculiar a hypothesis.  No man with whom I am familiar would be content with a woman who lacked consciousness. That sort of thing is simply stupid. It seems to me it would even have limited propaganda value”

Explorers of Gor: John Norman

The Gor novels were one of my earliest exposures to the lifestyle, while the books are based on sci fi fantasy there are many who herald these books as the birth of BDSM. Having been written in the 60’s they caused quite a commotion in  many circles, but I digress.

The interplay above makes an interesting comment; that no man wants a woman who lacks intelligence or even creativity. What I read into those words is that a man likes a woman who has thoughts, that can think and have ideas. That her intelligence matters and is important. The old adage still stands true, seduce her mind and the body will follow.

Something I have noticed in the BDSM community is that there is no lack thereof. Correct me if I am wrong, but to me it seems that subs in and of themselves all seem to possess a good deal of creativity, intellect, and wit. This is not to say that Dom’s do not possess these qualities but it was pointed out to me by a reader of my blog that it seems there are more subs that write then Doms.

I say this really not off the cuff, but from reading a good number of submissive blogs and even from their profiles on FetLife.

So many subs have blogs, they write almost daily. They convey great emotion through their words, astoundingly so. From personal experience, erotica, or prose  they fill the pages  with wonderful flowing words that give a peek into their inner self.

It is not just through the use of written word that they express this, others do so by crafting; making jewelry, others are artists in their own write creating beautiful works of art on a canvas.  It doesn’t end there either.

I’ve seen subs who are singers, have a love for quilting, and have a most marvelous sense of humor;
others that are well versed in reading and have a deep love for books and literature.

What is the point of all this you may be wondering.

Much is written about the BDSM aspect of the lifestyle, the harsh Dom’s dolling out the extreme punishment. The cruel instruments used to inflict the sweet pain a sub so craves. But there is more to that.

The safe side, the nurturing side, and the side you don’t always hear about. That is an important side as well.
Along with the gift of a subs submission, their creative side, their intellect is all part of who they are.

That should be nurtured, cared for, and encouraged.  It is not just for a Dom to push their subs limits in the bedroom, but outside of it as well.

There are some who don’t wish the D/s to be outside the bedroom and that is fine. There is nothing set in stone that this lifestyle has to be done this way or that way, it is what one makes of it. Many times it may start in the bedroom and then grow outside of there.

When and if it does; aside from the rules and the structure don’t forget about the side to help a sub grow in their creativity.  This is just one more way of showing that you cherish and honor the gift they have given you.


29 thoughts on “Thoughts on submission; Intellect, and Creativity

  1. Kayla Lords

    You’re right…how could I, as a sub who writes all the time, not agree? Thank you for pointing it out… 🙂

    1. SouthernSir

      A good part of this post came from a conversation I had with an s about how there is more then just the BDSM aspect of the lifestyle. she pointed out how wonderful it is to have someone that encourages her, believes in her dreams, and aspirations.

  2. myrosegarden84

    I have many thoughts on this, but I think I need to kind of think about it and mull it over.
    It is really thought provoking.

  3. amelthalt

    …… swear that you weren’t looking at our breasts and thinking about your dick when you said that! hehehe!

          1. amelthalt

            it goes without saying that I agree with what you said in this post though and so appreciate a man who sees deeper than just t&a cleavage. I mean those curves are deep! and so meaningful! 😀 Forgive me. I really cannot help myself sometimes. x

          2. SouthernSir

            If you have a true relationship built on the trust, respect, and communication then the rest should fall into place. Pushing boundaries shouldn’t just be in the bedroom. Now about those deep curves….. 😉

  4. Twisted Angel

    I agree. Although not in a full time D/s relationship I have my moments, ok often have them, where I don’t want to be the lead. I don’t want to think. I need to have release of the mundane, everyday, step forward and make a choice moments. I need someone to bear the weight off my shoulders if you will and tell me what to do instead of trust I know what I am doing. Yes I am a writer, a singer a lover of words. I think we are intelligent enough in ourselves to know our worth and trust our partner to know the same. One who can rally when we fall short of our own personal goals but give us the strength to get back up..

    1. SouthernSir

      That is the important part, knowing that there is someone who has your back, to catch you when you need and to give you that push.

  5. Wordwytch

    I do love this post. My first thought… The reason that most Doms don’t write is because they will never admit to hitting the “SUBMIT” button. They have subs to do that for them. 🙂 My second thought was of Wolf. HIs criteria that in order to be a ‘bed partner’, there must be some “Sparky-Sparky!” between the ears. Once sex is over, he has to have someone to talk to, and they need to be intelligent!

    Really though, think about what a sub is… we are the nurturing side of the equation when it comes to service. We serve. We submit. We give. How we give is up to discussion. Many of us give with writing. That serves not only our doms, but our fellow subs. It lets people know that there are others out there that are just like they are. It also lets our Doms have a clue x 4 into our thoughts. Especially for those that are not in live in relationships. We are the ones that ultimately control the relationship.

    Doms… They provide what we need, and are the Yin to our Yang, and visa versa. They are our safety net, our catharsis, our wakeup call when needed, and often one hell of a lot of fun in bed. Wolf and I live together 24/7, but don’t play 24/7. We provide the support and love that each needs. Sometimes that is tea, food and a reminder to go to sleep. Other times it’s a spanking and a bit of rough sex so that there is the cathartic release from too much stress at the ‘day job’.

    It’s give and take, and not all pain and suffering. There is a lot of love as well.

    1. SouthernSir

      That is why I use Word Press, they have a Publish button 😉

      I have to agree with Wolf, after the fun and games it is nice to be with someone that you can converse with. Stretch the brain and imagination. There is also the element of exploring day to day life together.

      Having a sub write is not only a way to gain a community but in many cases it allows the sub to express feelings and thoughts that otherwise they may find difficult to voice.

      I do like your analogy of the D/s being yin and yang to one one another that is very fitting. Each one fits the other, one cannot be without the other.

      With communication being first and foremost especially when it comes to writing it adds another layer of communication. subs are wonderful and they do love their contact with their Dom. Between emails, txt’s, Skype, phone calls, and blogs there are a number of ways to keep the lines of communication open.
      While many may say that distance can be tough, which it can be at times no argument there, with all theses form of being in touch in some ways the world is also shrinking.

      What makes it such a marvelous thing though it the way it is executed. The creativity behind it all.

      1. Wordwytch

        LOL! Yeah… Publish is so much better.

        And yes, the creativity adds so much to all of it.

  6. gemini

    There is much more to BDSM than the obvious…as fellow bloggers we can see all the creativity all the subbies and Doms bring into our online community..Thanks for this post..most interesting 🙂

  7. loneyheart

    nothing in life is black and white, it all carries many shades of grey, (pun inteended). But honestly life wether it is vanilla of d/s is about learning. And no one likes living with someone who thinks they already know it all. I want and need the mental challenge as well as the physical. So to be just a pair of breast will not do it for me. My mind loves to learn. loves the challenges. And when one arises and i handle it with grace the approval i get from my D is the greatest reward. He wants a smart and sucessful woman too. Someone who is a gift that he is proud of. That will not embarase him in public. A woman who can hold her own with his friends and business collegues. So yes every one is different but in wide canvas strokes i think we all love the colorful world of being with someone who can equal us in a conversation. who makes us think and feel.

    1. SouthernSir

      D/s is all about discovery and growth not only in the bedroom but beyond it as well. Opening the mind in more ways then one. What you said is spot on. Thank you for your comment.

  8. desiringdiscipline

    “Along with the gift of a subs submission, their creative side, their intellect is all part of who they are.

    That should be nurtured, cared for, and encouraged. It is not just for a Dom to push their subs limits in the bedroom, but outside of it as well.

    There are some who don’t wish the D/s to be outside the bedroom and that is fine. There is nothing set in stone that this lifestyle has to be done this way or that way, it is what one makes of it. Many times it may start in the bedroom and then grow outside of there.”

    Enjoyed this, and loved the sentiment about it being different for everyone. We’re on a journey in the later years of our marriage towards full D/s (hopefully). I always had a sub heart, but also am a strong-willed, educated woman, and a pistol when I need to be in “real life.” Now that I’ve “come out” to him, DH is having a hard time merging the two of me! I think he feels the moment he finds his Dom, I’m going to yell “psych!” because he can’t see me that way. It’s been a year of trying to find and demonstrate my sub when with him, and encouraging his Dom. He will play a little now, but can’t wrap his head around the whole enchilada of 24/7. I’m trying to be patient but it is so hard when I am ready to go full warp speed.

    1. SouthernSir

      you are ready to go all guns fire and he is moving along slowly. There are some with whom it takes time to find their footing. Not very many jump into a 24/7 D/s lifestyle, it takes time, it is a learning and growth process. As anxious as your are; try stepping back a bit it may be that he senses your excitement and isn’t sure what to do about it.
      Try letting the “seed” germinate in the bedroom and then as that sprouts it will take root and move into other aspects of your life.

      Very soon I am going to post some books that are well worth reading on how to grow in the lifestyle which may well help you both in your journey.
      Thank you for your comment.


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