Earning submission

By | February 6, 2014

That’s right, I said earning submission. Like driving having someone give you their submission is not a right, it is something earned and worked for.

After the Munch there is a meeting back at the local club, it is actually done in two parts.

 The first both Dom’s and subs together and the topic is usually one of general interest pertaining to the lifestyle. The second half, Dom’s meet together in one part of the room and the sub’s go off to another part.

 The general meeting was a interesting conversation about the evolution of ones relationship in the lifestyle. Sir R. ran the meeting along with his sub of whom he has been married to now for 7 years.

 He brought up an interesting point, where are you in your relationship? Look at where you are now as to where you are from where you first started. Then look ahead and see where you want to be.

 He brought up a point that I made in an earlier post…re-negotiate! Look at the rules and protocols in your relationship see if they are still pertinent. Some may be some may not.

 Things that were off the table at one time may not be now. Re-negotiate.

Your relationship is fluid he said, it is not like stagnant water, it flows and ebbs.
It felt good to hear him echoing what I had previously written about.

 Sir R. and his sub told everyone that they are now at a point in their relationship where they renegotiate every two years. He spoke on about this for a while and how the D/s relationship evolves and how there is an openness and honesty that doesn’t exist in most vanilla relationships.

 It was then that someone new to the group asked a question about how do you get to that point of openness and sharing.

 Sir R. responded by saying trust, you have to earn their trust. Not only that but as a Dom you have to be ready to do what it takes to earn that trust. When you take up with a submissive you are getting into their mind, you are delving deeper into their head then anyone has ever done before.

 He then asked as a group, are you ready for that? Are you ready to uncover those embers that have lain hidden for years that can burst into an open flame after being uncovered by a trigger? Are you ready to be there and hold her for four hours while they cry uncontrollably?

 Again the new person in the group, asked but how do you get there?

 The answer is simple, honesty! Be honest with a sub, they will know when you haven’t been honest with them. Worse then that is omitting the truth, they will then fill in the blanks themselves and you will be back to square one.

It was then I spoke up and added consistency.  Sir R. pointed at me and gave a resounding Yes!

 You have to be consistent with a sub, it may well be in their past they didn’t have that, people came and went in their lives, they couldn’t count on someone. Now along comes this person who says they are a Dom and they begin to build hope that they have found someone.

 To build up the trust in them so they can begin to submit it takes time and effort, the consistency to show them that they matter to you. As you show them the consistency, along with respect, and truth they can begin opening up to you.

 It isn’t easy, it takes a lot of work and a great deal of effort, but in the end what you receive from a sub when they open up to you fully is more then worth the effort.

Just because you are a Dom doesn’t mean that a sub will fall at your feet because you request it or you tell them to. Show them you are a man of your word, be patient, be willing to put in the time and effort it takes to earn their submission.

Most of all show them that you can earn their respect and submission through honesty, truth, and consistency.