Life 101

By | July 28, 2014

This is not going to be a sexy post nor is this going to be a post extolling the virtues of being a Daddy Dom and the wonder of living a D/s lifestyle. This is going to be a very different post for me it is going to be rather personal.

I’m the oldest of three children, as Kayla said right out of the box after only knowing my mother for a mere few minutes as she put it I amย  the prodigal son; I don’t see it but that is what babygirl says. Actually I am the only son, the first boy in a family of predominantly women and the older sibling of two younger sisters.

My middle sister L and I were always fairly close, as we grew older there was a bit of a drift. See when I reached my upper teens I became rebellious. I smoked cigarettes, I drank, and I smoked pot. My sister L would get on me about it constantly, she was the good girl, in her entire life she has never drank, never smoked, nor has she done drugs. Me I experimented, dropped acid, snorted coke, dealt drugs; I will say I look back at it now and it seems like a whole different person, a different world.

We are an Italian family, I can see those of you that understand nodding your head in understanding and those of you that have never had any interaction with a true NY Italian family wondering what it means.

We are loud, we are boisterous; a family gathering is chaotic, Kayla got a taste of it this past weekend where even a quiet family conversation seems like people are screaming and yelling; a couple times during the night she asked me if they were actually mad at one another or if it was just conversation. Oh and lots of food, a daily meal is five course, a simple family gathering can last well into the night with food and drink flowing almost endlessly.

Most people, myself included have this expectation of life, that other then the most of extreme cases, parents pass before their children and the oldest sibling will move on before the younger ones. It may seem a bit rose colored to some but then I was in my 20’s when my Great-grandparents passed and it was 4 years ago when my Grandmother slipped from this world.

Several weeks ago I got a call from my mom; she was traveling the northeast visiting family and escaping the summer heat of the southern clime. “Have you talked to L?” she asked. I told her I hadn’t, which isn’t all that unusual either for us to go through periods of not talking. Not out of any malcontent or anger but life, now if there were something happening and we needed one another look out because we would have one anther’s back with a ferocity to rival a Tasmanian Devil. So after talking and her telling me about her travels thus far it was determined that she was probably busy or she had gone off on another cruise or trip.

The next night my phone rang once more and it was my mom, expecting more tales of her travels I answered the phone. Her tone was hurried and filled with angst, L is in the hospital she said, she is anemic and her vitamin levels are down. My sister’s SO took her to the hospital and she was in the ER. The next morning I had the closing on my old property we had been waiting 3 months for this and it was already put on hold due to a storm.

It was decided I was going to go to the closing and take care of some other odd and end things left that needed to be done. My mother was going to look into returning home sooner then expected. I took care of my business that day and heard from my mom later, she would be arriving back home at 10:30 that night. I arranged to meet her at the airport.

I arrived to meet her to find out her flight was delayed and she didn’t step off the plane till after midnight. I drove her to my sisters house and helped her in with her bags. My sister was asleep on the sofa so we didn’t bother her and I headed home. Not getting much sleep that night I called off from work.

The next day my mom began taking my sister to her doctor appointments, she was anemic, not eating, weak, tired, low vitamin D, and at times excruciating abdominal pain. The doctor wanted tests, he wasn’t wasting any time; he scheduled her for several tests the next day. While there after one test they made her wait as the Doctor wanted her to have another. The weekend rolled around and she had an appointment with her Doctor on Tues. They got a call the Doctor wanted to see her on Monday instead.

That night my mom called me, they found what has been making her sick, she has colon cancer. She had an appoint the next day with an oncologist and then also a gastro doctor.

That news sent me into a tail spin, I’ve always been a fixer; if something is wrong you find a way to fix it and make it right. Now here is something I can’t fix. I went silent and began thinking everything over, sleeping hasn’t been easy either. Kayla was there for me she performed her tasks like a good girl, she was there with hugs and kisses, she reminded me we are in this together, and she made sure that when I was ready to talk that she is there for me.

It took me a few days and even some sexual healing on Kayla’s part but I came back out. We’ve been talking, I’ve been dealing, trying to understand.

L still has a ton more tests to undergo and we don’t know yet what the prognosis is but we are all taking it one day at a time. I am grateful Kayla is here with me, by my side. Being the “D” to her “s” has helped as I know I can’t let her downย  and that her and the boys count on me and need me.

44 thoughts on “Life 101

  1. Wildwestangel

    Been there with two of my baby sisters. Very big hug. Very big.

  2. Mynx

    Keep the faith Sir…. It’s not easy seeing someone you love suffer, but she and your family will need to drawl strength from you so be the rock I know is deep within you!
    Many of us have had to indure similar things, so we are here for you as well, let us know what we can do, even if it’s just lending an ear to you so you can vent. You and your family will be in our prayers Sir.

    Hugs, Mynx

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      It was tough seeing her this past weekend yet she is in good spirits. She was giving as good as she was getting.

  3. LittleBoPeep12

    Oh Southern Sir… I am sorry to hear this. Having your precious Kayla and boys with you will only strengthen you during this time. My thoughts are with you both.
    Italian families rock. I had to learn not to cringe when they “discussed” things, though, and ohhhh, the FOOD!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Having Kayla and the boys has been my rock.
      It takes a certain being “used” to families like this. Oh yes…the food it is a miracle I don’t weigh twice as much as I do.

  4. oceanswater

    See there was a great reason Kayla came into your life. She’ll be your rock when you can’t be… Blessings Sir.
    I also know NY Italians… ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Kayla Lords

    ((HUGS)) Trying not to cry over here – again. I was worried for you last week, but I can see you’re processing. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll work together to help L and the rest of the family as best we can.

    Between your boisterous Italian family and my crazy Southern family, our lives will never be dull.

    I love you so much, Daddy. For the record, I don’t care what kind of crazy past you had – without it, you wouldn’t be the man you are today, and that’s who I fell in love with. (Yes, yes, cue the “cute” comments).

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I’m making my way back out…I have to especially with the state of the house at the moment with all the boxes all over. Someone has to assemble all that furniture. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I think “dull” will not be in our vocabulary at all.

  6. sftswtfem

    Mr. John,
    I too am dealing with the scary, unknown that is cancer in my baby sister. I am always a call away if you need a friend to talk to. I believe Kayla has my number and if she doesn’t I’ll share it with both of you. Just let me know.

    lots and lots of hugs,

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      PP, hugs right back at you. I will ask Kayla tonight if she does have your number if not we will talk. There is still a matter of a munch ๐Ÿ˜‰

  7. Renee

    I am sending hope, prayers and patience to you. And to your sister’s docs I am sending prayers for guidance. I dealt with this type of issue for two years and take one day at a time. Hugs to you and Kayla.


  8. Desiree G

    John — I admire you for sharing something that is so personal. I have a hard time talking about cancer without it bringing tears to my eyes because of the devastation it has caused in my loved ones. I also believe Kayla will be your greatest strength during this family trial. Take it from one strong (somewhat submissive) woman — you should not hesitate to lean on her when you need it most. Thoughts and hugs for you, Kayla and your entire family!!! Thank you for sharing!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Desiree thank you so much, Kayla has been wonderful since I found out about this. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she has my back and I am grateful for that.

  9. mel

    Cancer is so scary. I cannot imagine one of my sisters getting sick. You and your entire family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Allow your little girl to comfort and calm you through this whole thing, that is what girls are for. I am optimistic they will be able to treat your dear sister and that the love of your big Italian family will help her heal!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      My sister still has quite a few tests to have done so there is still some things to be determined. Kayla has been like a calming breeze to me.

  10. Wordwytch

    Hugs and healing energy for the family. I also hope for the best outcome. Deep breath and ground. That way you can do your best for all involved.

  11. Findmyway

    SSir, Being the oldest and the one who takes care of everything. I too have walked in your shoes with both of my siblings. Hang in there and keep talking don’t keep all your emotions inside. Remember to take care of yourself. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong sending warm wishes your way.

  12. Susan Bramley

    Sir, take comfort in the fact that others are thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Also take comfort in the fact that Kayla is there for you and you have each other to hold and to give each other the support and strength you need to get through this together.

  13. Mrs Fever

    Being the one that others turn to often means turning inward for the “fix” in times like this. It is a process I understand all too well.

    Peace and strength and healing to your sister, and to you. <3

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I have always likened myself to a turtle, I pull inside my shell to think things through and when done I emerge.
      Thank you Mrs. Fever

  14. Cinn

    Sending peace, love and healing your way. And sparkles of course. ๐Ÿ™‚

    God knew it was the right time for you two to be together.


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  16. Cheeky Minx

    As a woman who counts her sister as her best friend, I can only wish you all nothing but the best of health and love and togetherness.

    And the fact you have Kayla by your side – truly by your side – is a blessing you most certainly deserve.


  17. hispetielle

    Sending your sister healing thoughts and praying prayers of peace for you and your entire family.

    I stood by Coach last year (and continue to stand) as he went through family crisis. Life is never easy. There is sickness and health., but the two of you together can go over any hurdles and become closer than ever before. She will give you what you need.

    What part of NY are you from paisan?

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Kayla has been wonderful through all this along with some other things that have come up since. Life does happen and like you and Coach it is bringing us closer together.
      I was born in Scarsdale and grew up in Dutchess county.

  18. Christina Mandara

    My prayers are for a speedy and painless recovery. Terrible, horrible news, but at least you have Kayla by your side to weather the storms. I hope you hear some good news soon xx

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  20. Jazz

    thank you for this personal blog – sometimes the biggest challenge to being a ‘fixer’ is the helplessness of not being able to fix and therein lies learning…take care and time on this journey…

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Hello Jazz, yes it certainly has been a learning experience. I have found that she finds her comfort in me just being there with her. Something as simple as holding her hand or a hug.

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