By | May 21, 2013

So you’ve met a Dom or you’ve met a sub and you are all ready to jump into a D/s relationship.

What about the negotiations? Yes, the negotiations.
Unlike a typical vanilla relationship there is so much more to consider in the BDSM lifestyle.
Are you a sub or a slave? Are you a Dom or a Master?

What about your kinks?  What are your hard limits? Soft limits?
If you meet someone and are considering a relationship with them make sure your kinks match.
If as a sub you have specific hard limits that are just completely off limits to you and to him they are all go, how is that going to work?
Are you willing to compromise your hard limits? In the long run that may well leave you feeling resentful.

Even if your kinks match realize that over time things may change, once you try something it may be for you or you may find out you don’t like it.
Also something that was totally taboo at one point you may now be willing to try.
These are things that should be open for discussion even during the course of the relationship. A re-negotiation of sorts.

Also of importance is are you just looking for a play partner or something more long term.
Some are only looking for a play partner and are not interested in long term.

With the Internet many people meet online through places like CollarMe, FetLife, and even blogs.Are you only looking to be an online sub? For some that is all they want.

Maybe you are looking to meet someone more local and be in a full time BDSM relationship.
If that is the case then an online relationship would not work, unless there is an understanding that you may meet in the future.

What it comes down to is take your time, submissive’s, when you submit to a Dom you give all of who you are.
Dom’s when you accept a sub that comes with a great deal of responsibility, don’t accept it if you are not ready.

6 thoughts on “Negotiations

  1. Wordwytch

    And it is all down to three simple rules. 1) Communicate. 2) repeat rule #1. 3) When in doubt, see rule #1.

    If there was ever a place to take time and communicate, it is in a D/s or M/s situation.

  2. slave ali

    Great post. Communication is key. One of this first things I talked about with my 2nd master (I have 2 masters and a mistress), Master J, was limits and safe words. Master J is very wise. 🙂

    1. SouthernSir

      Both are two important aspects that should be talked about. If someone says they don’t believe in safewords…run don’t walk away.

      1. slave ali

        Very true. Even though we never need them, married six years, Master Rick and I have them.


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