Aftercare and Punishment #BDSM

By | November 23, 2014
Image via Tumblr

Image via Tumblr

DaddysBabygirl69 wrote a post that caught my eye this morning about aftercare and punishment. This is something I have seen brought up from time to time.

The answers are as varied as the day is long, yet to me it is something I feel very strongly about.

Planning a scene is fun, playing in a scene is even better. They can get intense, overwhelming, boundaries being pushed. Aftercare should never be an afterthought when a scene is done.

But what about when it comes to punishment?

A sub has misbehaved, been sassy, not followed through with their tasks and a punishment is in order.

When giving a punishment it is totally and completely different from a funishment.

A funishment is light, expected, it can be a part of a scene and both sides can be playful with it. For me I use different toys when giving a funishment, Kayla has favorite floggers, paddles, etc that she likes. They give her certain sensations.

Punishment is a whole different spectrum, it is meant to hurt, it is meant for the person receiving to take notice. I use different implements, a wooden spoon, the short cane, and even the rubber paddle, sometimes a punishment is not a spanking at all.

After the punishment I will always give some form of aftercare. Why you may ask?
The punishment is over and in this way the sub knows the punishment is over and now it is time to move on. A sub can be the hardest on themselves. As a Dom tell a sub they have disappointed you and their world comes crashing down. The first time I said those words to Kayla and I saw the effect they had was when I truly had an inkling of what they must think and how important it is for them to serve.

Add a punishment to that disappointment they feel their feeling of failure can increase tenfold.

Now as for the aftercare itself after punishment. Is there some…yes of course there is some form of aftercare. Is it the same type or form of aftercare like after an intense scene. No, absolutely not.

Depending on the punishment the punishment aftercare fits what has been given. Kayla being a masochist a spanking is not always the best form of punishment for her. Have her do corner time for a period of time and that makes a huge impact on her.

After having her do corner time there is always a hug and a kiss waiting for her. After a punishment spanking yes there are some cuddles, we talk about what has transpired and we move on.

The aftercare is there; albeit a bit different after all it is a punishment.  Do I wrap her up in her blankie, feed her chocolate, and her favorite drink, and hold her for hours on end, no. As a Dom there is a fine line that needs to be walked, it comes back to the tough love thing.

IF I were to cuddle her for hours on end after a punishment then the reason for it becomes lost. Do I hug her and kiss her and tell her I love her, yes.

Just as there is a difference between a funishment and a punishment so is there a difference between the aftercare for both.

9 thoughts on “Aftercare and Punishment #BDSM

  1. Babygirl

    thank you so much for your comments. I was feeling a bit lost since I didn’t feel the infraction had been forgotten about on Daddy’s end. I agree the aftercare would not be the same but something should be given.

    I appreciate your words.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Being a Dom, especially a Daddy Dom is tough. There are times we have to be able to put aside our emotions and be the ones to move forward. It isn’t easy as we are human to and are not infallible.
      If you feel something is still amiss after the punishment you need to sit down and communicate about what happened, the punishment and moving forward. Communication is paramount!

      Reply
  2. Joyce C

    This is something that has been lacking between my Dom and I. We are both single, and he is a workaholic so we don’t play all that often. the last time we did play I was punished and humiliated for something I was in trouble for. But there was zero aftercare as usual. I was a very teary and sad sub for 2 days!!! Not easy!! I have mentioned to him that aftercare is something I need. Not easy for me to ask since we subs always want to please and rarely do I put my needs before his. He has agreed to give me aftercare, but we will see. He is always in such a hurry to get going after we play because he has so many things to do. Sigh!!! Hell i will settle for 5 minutes of aftercare at this point.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Everyone is different and requires different hings, some require more aftercare some less. Try talking to him as how aftercare is handled is an important part of any scene negotiations.

      Reply
  3. karla kendrick

    I trying to understand this but how in the world does punishment belong in a relationship how is this not abuse my husband spanked me like that I would call the police and have file charges. I

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Hello Karla, For some who don’t understand the basis of a BDSM relationship from the outside looking in it could very well seem like abuse.

      The big difference here is that it is a part of our relationship and it would never happen without her consent. Yes, she agrees to be punished in that manner.

      If she didn’t want it then it certainly would never happen.

      Reply

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