Do You Appreciate? #BDSM

By | January 7, 2016

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I had a very interesting chat with someone the other day about whether I have rules and protocols that babygirl must follow. To which I replied why yes I do.

This led to another question as to whether I appreciate the tasks she does for me.

I didn’t even hesitate in the least little bit and I told them of course I do.

Which was promptly followed by another question; Do you tell them or do you only tell them when they don’t perform their tasks or they are done wrong?

Again I didn’t even have to think about this as I do thank her and tell her that I appreciate the tasks and rules she does and follows for me.

Yes, she is my submissive, yes I put rules and tasks in place that she must follow, and yes she does a very good job at following them, even to the point of being upset when something happens and she can’t follow them to the letter.

Now while it is in a submissive’s nature to want to serve and many of them crave the structure a Dominant puts into place it doesn’t mean that they should only be called out when they do wrong. I often tell little flower thank you for the things she does. Most notably when she brings me my evening coffee and kneels to give it to me; I will gladly tell her she is a good girl and I am grateful to have her.

A submissive’s nature to give and serve is a well, one that a Dominant drinks deeply from when a sub offers them their submission.
That doesn’t mean it is a bottomless well.

If treated improperly or with disdain that well can and will run dry.

Say you have a rule in place that your sub must send you a picture each day. Each day they send you a picture as instructed, then comes they day they are in a hurry or something happens and they miss a day. You call them out on it, even punish them (which they should be)

Think about it though what about all those times they DID send you that picture..did you thank them? Did you say “good girl”?

When they bring you your favorite drink in the evening or cook you your favorite meal did you tell them how you appreciate how well they take care of you?

subs love to serve but it doesn’t mean they should go unappreciated.

Submission is given to you when a sub deems you worthy of their trust and honoring their submission.
Day after day of fulfilling those tasks depletes their well, letting them know when they do a good job goes a long way in filling their well back up.

Telling your submissive thank you, you did a good job, or telling them they are a good girl or boy when they do their tasks doesn’t make you less of a Dom. If anything it makes you a better person AND a better Dom.

When your sub performs a task for you tell them they did a good job. Watch and listen how they react, some will coo, others may purr with delight, see that sparkle in their eyes knowing they did well in their service.

A little gratitude goes a long way in refilling a subs well of giving.

19 thoughts on “Do You Appreciate? #BDSM

  1. Kayla Lords

    You are a good Dominant, a good Daddy, and a good man. After many years of not hearing any gratitude from anyone for the things I did, I’m still constantly surprised at how gracious and kind you are. You thank me for everything, and you’re right – it really does help me keep going, especially when things get crazy.

    Reply
  2. Wildwestangel

    I crave hearing that from Mr. HH. He’s so good to tell me he loves things. When he gets busy and forgets for a while, I’ve learned to ask instead of pout or be hurt.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      As a Dom there are a lot of things we have on our minds and are responsible for, most of us though are not mind readers, sometimes we do need a gentle reminder.

      Reply
  3. slave tasha

    Yes, i agree. i crave hearing that i please Him… whatever the task. The appreciation fills both of our spiritual reservoirs!

    Reply
  4. Mrs Fever

    Precisely.

    And isn’t it just common sense? Not to mention, common courtesy.

    Apparently *neither* is very common.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Ms. Fever
      Sadly you hit the nail on the head, it seems that as many good ones that are out there there are just as many bad ones.

      Reply
  5. sirslittledarling

    Thank you; there is often frequent talk of punishment (how,what, when). Not sure if the topic of appreciation techniques comes up as often. I respond well to positive reinforcement. As you said the words ” good girl” are magical. I like how you say our well gets depleted. When I send a picture and i am told sexy,yummy, pretty- it makes me feel good. Real mushy good. When Daddy sends me a picture of him I get a huge gigantico smile…so many ways to show our feelings. Yes; a little gratitude goes a long ways….

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      sld, some positive reinforcement can go a long way. There is way to much talk of punishment but there is also the other side of the coin which needs to be recognized as well. Your comment is appreciated.

      Reply
  6. Cheeky Minx

    Your gratitude, as well as your passionate love and attentiveness, shines through in every post for me.

    As always, this insight into your connection and D/s dynamic was a joy to read, JB…

    ~M

    Reply
  7. Selina

    Being appreciated is such a great thing. Especially when you think it’s something small and doesn’t matter. Thank you for pointing out that even the small things better to Daddy’s and Dom’s.

    Reply
  8. Lilli

    Daddy is always very appreciative and encouraging. It’s one of the many things I love about him. 🙂

    Reply
  9. Miss Lily

    I agree with you, I do show appreciation and show that I notice the good things my sub does.I hear some people say its wrong to be appreciative of what is expected, but I feel that saying “good girl” or “good boy” truly does impact behavior just as much as a good punishment. It is good to see that someone agrees with me about this.

    Reply
  10. James

    I am rather new to the D/s lifestyle. As of right now, it’s mostly contained to the bedroom and a small part when we’re out to dinner or drinks.
    We want to extend this to all aspects of our lives and throughout our entire home, not just the bedroom.
    I read many articles concerning this, some good, some not so good.
    So im asking for any advise you may have and/or articles you may suggest reading.
    Thank you in advance for your suggestions and reply.

    Reply
    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Hi James, sounds like you are ready to take a big step. Extending D/s outside of the bedroom can be fun yet also scary. There are a good deal of resources out there and I will be happy to list a few for you.

      Books:
      The Loving Dominant by John Warren
      Screw the Roses Give me the Thorns by Phillip Miller & Molly Devon
      The New Topping Book by Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton
      The new Bottoming Book by Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton

      Websites:
      Dominant Guide: http://dominantguide.com/
      Submissive Guide: http://www.submissiveguide.com/

      Hope these help
      JB

      Reply

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