By | August 13, 2013

Rule 07

Communication is such an intricate part of the lifestyle.
No one is a mind reader, no one knows what the other is thinking unless there are words spoken.

I am going to talk about communication before, during, and after a scene or session.

Prior to My little flowers arrival for her visit W/we talked about My taking her to the local club;
she had not been to a lifestyle club before.
In O/our frequent talks I explained things to her about what the club was like, what went on there and things to expect.

This helped on several different levels, as she had never been to a club before it helped allay her nervousness.
Also it gave her an idea of the people there; what they are like and what goes on there.
It also gave her time to formulate any questions she may have about the club.

In O/our talks I explained to her about the various equipment that is in the Dungeon, the different uses of them and the different types of scenes they may be used for.

I had been planning a scene for her and I while W/we were at the club and I even talked about that and what would be used.
I explained to her about the St. Andrews Cross and different types of spanking benches.
What W/we would be using and the scene over all.
Do I tell her every detail of the scene I have planned? No
Have to keep some of it a surprise.

During the scene while I don’t constantly ask her if she is alright, I know her reactions and body language well enough to know when she is enjoying something and is in sub-space as opposed to a reaction that something is a bit much and I need to back off.
Constantly asking a sub if they are doing alright in a scene could very well pull them out of sub-space which is where they want to be.
While it may not be verbal communication it is still communicating.
One thing I have a tendency to do during a scene is to pause briefly and stroke her hair, rub her back, whisper to her that she is doing fine or that she is a good girl.
This helps her maintain the connection with Me.

Even after a scene is done the communication still continues, during aftercare while she is coming out of sub-space.
Once she is out of the drifty mindset she goes into W/we talk about the scene, what she enjoyed most, what she didn’t enjoy, where I could have pushed harder and where some of her limits had been pushed.

The lifestyle as a whole is give and take, the sub doesn’t just give to the Dom, but for both to get out of it what they seek there has to be open communication.