By | August 23, 2013


Honesty, so much is said about honesty in the BDSM lifestyle.

Be honest with your sub, earn their trust, keep nothing from them it all stands true.

Yet almost as important be honest with yourself.
Lets be honest with one another what we do is edgy, if something goes wrong someone could be seriously hurt.

Don’t just grab a toy and start playing.
Unless you have been brandishing a whip since you were knee high to a blade of grass I wouldn’t reccomend that you pick one up out of the blue and just start using it on someone.

Understand the toy you are about to use, learn it, practice it.
There is no shame in saying you don’t know anything about it, use it as a learning experience for the both of you.

Ever since I had read the Gor books a number of years ago, I became fascinated by floggers.
They intrigued me, I wanted nothing more then to pick up a flogger and have at it on someone.

While the primal instinct to do that was strong it didn’t happen that way.

I learned about floggers, the difference between them, how they are made, what they are made of, the different types of leather used and how that changes how they feel.

More importantly I learned how to swing a flogger, the way you do it is the difference between a flogger massage and a rather stingy feel that going to leave a ass red.

I practiced on a pillow in the living room on numerous occasions. That poor pillow was flogged into submission more times then I have fingers and toes to count with. I also practiced using my left hand.

The same thing with wax play, there are different types of wax some burn at lower temps; others at higher temps.

Before I used my flogger I talked about it with little flower, explained to her about it to make her feel more comfortable about it. Also even as a sub they should know all about what is being used on them and how. I showed her how to hold it, how to swing it. After all it is their body that the implement is being used on, they should have a working knowledge of it as well.

There are numerous resources available all over, make use of them to learn your craft.
FetLife has some wonderful groups with people willing to share knowledge, forums and YouTube have some great videos and articles.
Seek out local resources as well, most communities today have local munches allowing people to share ideas and show off their toys. Not to mention folks who have been in the lifestyle for many years with a wealth of knowledge to share.

It is not just for a Dom to guide their sub and help them grow it is also for the Dom to be honest with themselves and be willing to learn and grow and even admit they don’t know it all but are willing to learn it.