I have wrestled with whether to write this or not for most of the week as it is rather personal. It has stayed in the back of my mind since Tuesday and has been niggling me and just will not go away. It was after reading a post from Jolynn, Letting the Sun Shine In that I decided to go ahead and write it.
It is said that you can choose your friends and not your family, it is a sad but true statement for many. In times of trial it can serve to bring people together or in the worst case push them away. It is in the tough times that you can see what a person is truly made of.
Towards the end of last week I received a call from my father. our relationship has always been a bit strained and over the years while we do communicate it can be far and few between. Since my sisters diagnosis and subsequent treatment we have talked more in the past three and a half months then we have in many many years. This call was a bit different though.
He wanted me to talk to my mom (they have been divorced for about 9 years now) apparently there has been some tension between my sister and my mom. My dad told me that mom is not answering the phone when he calls and ignores his voice mails. I told him I knew nothing of any tension as L has sid nothing to me when we see one anther or talk. He told me she hasn’t wanted to say anything to me as she knows work has been very tough and tiring on me and I have also been job hunting, along with settling into my new life with Kayla.
I told him it wouldn’t be till next Tuesday that I could go talk to him as I had an upcoming colonoscopy that I would need to begin fasting for come Sat. night (I don’t do well with fasting to begin with) and then early Monday I had the procedure.
Kayla and the boys handled my fasting quite well and no one was hurt or injured in the process. The procedure went well and as I got the results immediately there was no waiting and wondering. That took a great weight off my shoulders and then allowed me to move on to other things.
Tuesday night rolled around and my plan was to come home, eat dinner and then head down to my sisters to talk to them and hopefully smooth things over. This would not have been the first time I have had to do this since my sister took ill. The problem being they are both very strong and stubborn personalities they do often clash, they are more alike then they are willing to admit which greatly contributes to the problem. This time though I had settled myself to the fact that I was going to the fact that I was going to give my mom a dose of some tough love.
I arrived at L’s house and we talked for a few minutes and I asked her where mom was, “She left Friday night” I was told. My eyes grew wide and my jaw dropped to the ground.
On Friday night she packed up all her things and left, even without telling my sister with the intent of leaving and not coming back.
My sister’s SO was there (he has been coming every night) and we worked out a game plan. L has no car as it was totalled in a accident on the way back from one of her doctor appointments. They had been using my mom’s truck since the accident to get around till the insurance could be settled, the accident was caused by the other person and thankfully a witness stepped forward to collaborate.
When I got home I explained to Kayla what was going on and then I called my mom’s cell phone which she didn’t answer. Then I decided to try her house phone which she had turned off while she was at my sisters. The phone did ring and lo and behold my mom answered. We made some small talk at first as I was hoping she would open up to me about what was going on. She didn’t.
So then I pushed forward and asked her why she wasn’t at L’s.
Her answer floored me, my mom told me she was done and she was washing her hands of it all.
I told her that is your daughter, she has a death sentence over her head and she needs her family more then ever.
That was when the real blow came; my mom told me that she had given my sister three and a half months of her life and that L needed to figure it out on her own from there.
I tried talking to her further and all I was met with was a brick wall. She needed to be in her own home, it was dirty and needed to be taken care of. Now mind you my mother is retired, has been for the past 10 years.
By the end of our conversation what it came down to was her house and her friends were more important and L needed to get strong on her own.
That was when I lost it. I told her we were through, the prodigal son as Kayla told me I am to my mom, told her I no longer want to talk to her and she is not to call me.
Now I will back track just a bit about my dad, he is in the north-east, he still has a business her runs and he is taking care of L’s oldest daughter and has been for almost two years now. My niece when she became a teenager started getting a bit wild and my sister had a hard time with her. My dad offered to help and bring her north and she has settled down is a A student and has become involved in sports and horseback riding. When she is on break form school for the Holidays he is planning on being here.
I called my dad back and explained to him what had gone on and that L was covered for her appointments for the time being. He made a suggestion to contact my aunt and see if she knew of anything going on with my mom that might have precipitated this behaviour.
When I called her she knew nothing, not even that my sister has been sick or anything that has been going on, in fact he hadn’t heard from my mom in almost two years. My aunt and I talked for about an hour and a half and when I got off the phone I was drained; emotionally and physically.
I talked with babygirl about all that had transpired, she knows me, she saw where I was headed. I was beginning the descent into my head spiralling downward. I wasn’t feeling very Dominant, I wasn’t feeling much of anything at that point.
She looked me square in the eye and asked me what I needed.
It didn’t take me long to answer her.
I need baygirl, I need your cute sassy side, I need your giggles, I need your laughter, I need your light teasing touches, I need your snuggles, pigtails, and most of all your kisses.
She has done just that, she has served me well all this week being by my side, shoring me up as we navigate this new challenge.