I Need Babygirl #Dominance #submission

By | October 26, 2014

I have wrestled with whether to write this or not for most of the week as it is rather personal. It has stayed in the back of my mind since Tuesday and has been niggling me and just will not go away. It was after reading a post from Jolynn, Letting the Sun Shine In that I decided to go ahead and write it.

It is said that you can choose your friends and not your family, it is a sad but true statement for many. In times of trial it can serve to bring people together or in the worst case push them away.Β  It is in the tough times that you can see what a person is truly made of.

Towards the end of last week I received a call from my father. our relationship has always been a bit strained and over the years while we do communicate it can be far and few between. Since my sisters diagnosis and subsequent treatment we have talked more in the past three and a half months then we have in many many years. This call was a bit different though.

He wanted me to talk to my mom (they have been divorced for about 9 years now) apparently there has been some tension between my sister and my mom. My dad told me that mom is not answering the phone when he calls and ignores his voice mails. I told him I knew nothing of any tension as L has sid nothing to me when we see one anther or talk. He told me she hasn’t wanted to say anything to me as she knows work has been very tough and tiring on me and I have also been job hunting, along with settling into my new life with Kayla.

I told him it wouldn’t be till next Tuesday that I could go talk to him as I had an upcoming colonoscopy that I would need to begin fasting for come Sat. night (I don’t do well with fasting to begin with) and then early Monday I had the procedure.

Kayla and the boys handled my fasting quite well and no one was hurt or injured in the process. The procedure went well and as I got the results immediately there was no waiting and wondering. That took a great weight off my shoulders and then allowed me to move on to other things.

Tuesday night rolled around and my plan was to come home, eat dinner and then head down to my sisters to talk to them and hopefully smooth things over. This would not have been the first time I have had to do this since my sister took ill. The problem being they are both very strong and stubborn personalities they do often clash, they are more alike then they are willing to admit which greatly contributes to the problem. This time though I had settled myself to the fact that I was going to the fact that I was going to give my mom a dose of some tough love.

I arrived at L’s house and we talked for a few minutes and I asked her where mom was, “She left Friday night” I was told. My eyes grew wide and my jaw dropped to the ground.

On Friday night she packed up all her things and left, even without telling my sister with the intent of leaving and not coming back.

My sister’s SO was there (he has been coming every night) and we worked out a game plan. L has no car as it was totalled in a accident on the way back from one of her doctor appointments. They had been using my mom’s truck since the accident to get around till the insurance could be settled, the accident was caused by the other person and thankfully a witness stepped forward to collaborate.

When I got home I explained to Kayla what was going on and then I called my mom’s cell phone which she didn’t answer. Then I decided to try her house phone which she had turned off while she was at my sisters. The phone did ring and lo and behold my mom answered. We made some small talk at first as I was hoping she would open up to me about what was going on. She didn’t.

So then I pushed forward and asked her why she wasn’t at L’s.

Her answer floored me, my mom told me she was done and she was washing her hands of it all.

I told her that is your daughter, she has a death sentence over her head and she needs her family more then ever.

That was when the real blow came; my mom told me that she had given my sister three and a half months of her life and that L needed to figure it out on her own from there.
I tried talking to her further and all I was met with was a brick wall. She needed to be in her own home, it was dirty and needed to be taken care of. Now mind you my mother is retired, has been for the past 10 years.
By the end of our conversation what it came down to was her house and her friends were more important and L needed to get strong on her own.

That was when I lost it. I told her we were through, the prodigal son as Kayla told me I am to my mom, told her I no longer want to talk to her and she is not to call me.

Now I will back track just a bit about my dad, he is in the north-east, he still has a business her runs and he is taking care of L’s oldest daughter and has been for almost two years now.Β  My niece when she became a teenager started getting a bit wild and my sister had a hard time with her. My dad offered to help and bring her north and she has settled down is a A student and has become involved in sports and horseback riding. When she is on break form school for the Holidays he is planning on being here.

I called my dad back and explained to him what had gone on and that L was covered for her appointments for the time being.Β  He made a suggestion to contact my aunt and see if she knew of anything going on with my mom that might have precipitated this behaviour.

When I called her she knew nothing, not even that my sister has been sick or anything that has been going on, in fact he hadn’t heard from my mom in almost two years. My aunt and I talked for about an hour and a half and when I got off the phone I was drained; emotionally and physically.

I talked with babygirl about all that had transpired, she knows me, she saw where I was headed. I was beginning the descent into my head spiralling downward. I wasn’t feeling very Dominant, I wasn’t feeling much of anything at that point.
She looked me square in the eye and asked me what I needed.

It didn’t take me long to answer her.

I need baygirl, I need your cute sassy side, I need your giggles, I need your laughter, I need your light teasing touches, I need your snuggles, pigtails, and most of all your kisses.

She has done just that, she has served me well all this week being by my side, shoring me up as we navigate this new challenge.

29 thoughts on “I Need Babygirl #Dominance #submission

  1. Kayla Lords

    I love you with every ounce of my being. I’m here for you in all the ways you know you need…and in the ways you don’t even realize. ((HUGS))

    We will get through this. We will help L get through this. We will get the family through this. Why and how? Because we must. And in the downtimes in between, we will be kinky fuckers because we must.

  2. Annie Byington

    I have no words to say how deeply this affected me. Having been there, I know the exhaustion you describe. I thank God you have your Baby Girl at your side. Prayers for your sister and hope for your future!

    Annie B

  3. Cinn

    There are no words. I am so sorry for what you have had to deal with, and continue to deal with. I’ll pray for you and your family.

    In the meantime, love to you and Kayla. How wonderful that you are together



  4. oceanswater

    It is very true that we can’t pick our family as we can our friends and it’s unfortunately times like this where we find that out. I too, am very happy you have the lovely Kayla by your side. Sometimes we just have to grieve the loss of what we “thought our family was.” Once we grieve that loss, we begin to accept everything that was about. Life is so short, enjoy every moment you have with your Kayla! Love is where we find it…

    1. Robin

      Take comfort in knowing that your beautiful Kayla will be there to help you shoulder the burden. You are not in this alone.

    2. John Brownstone Post author

      You are right, life is too short and there are things that matter much more. I just hope my mom figures it out before it is too late.

  5. Wildwestangel

    Ssir, I have not shared fully what is going on in my life, but the family dynamics are complicated like yours. I feel for your confusion, aggravation, and helplessness in the face of the perplexing realities. Trying to navigate both the illness and people stuff IS exhausting. Isn’t it amazing that Kayla and you finally merged your lives at just the right time? I know that just having her there is a welcome distraction from the ugly realities you have to face daily. I will keep you both in my thoughts.

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      I am very happy that Kayla is here for me through all this. When I got off the phone that night I looked at her and said are you sure you want to be a part of all this craziness and insanity? Her answer was a resounding yes.

  6. Kate Spyder

    I know this may be hard for some people to understand and accept, but we do have choices and we CAN pick our family. Family has nothing to do with blood, people who are born into our bloodlines. I have learned those related by blood are no more than just people who happen to share the same blood as I do. My TRUE family is the family which has proven to me they are willing to do whatever it takes to help me get through hard times like now. I have cancer and I found myself surprised by the people who have stepped forward to help and those who chose to stay in the background or just disappear. At times it was surprising to find which ones fit into each of those categories. I now how a family which I have chosen and they have chosen me. My hope is that it will continue to grow and my hope is the same for you, your sister, father and Kayla. I wish your sister all the best in her treatment and recovery. Cancer attacks us both physically and emotionally and it is more important than ever to not have caustic people in our midst draining our energy. I have no doubt at times you feel lost as to what to do to help your sister, especially emotionally. Her emotions will most likely be a roller coaster ride for her, up one minute and plummet the next, and she may hide her tears from you. I did this until one day my daughter walked in on me and then gave me the best therapy I’ve ever had. She just wrapped her arms around me and held me while I cried and told me it would be okay. There is one thing I’ve come to understand, some people just do not know what to do, and facing their child’s mortality or anyone’s mortality can be more than they can handle. I’m not trying to excuse the choice your mother made, just trying to help you understand not everyone has the strength and courage you have to be there for your sister. Try not to judge your mother too harshly, which I know is very difficult to do. Standing at the side of my father’s casket with my three brothers, I suddenly broke down and cried, not a single one of my three brothers could give me the comfort I needed, but then most likely we all couldn’t see each others need at that time because we were so engrossed in our own needs and our own feelings. Things between us haven’t changed even though that was over twenty years ago. The one thing you are blessed with is Kayla, her ability to see how different things are affecting you and will not shirk from asking you what you need and help you acquire it is such a blessing. All any of us can do is hang onto those who are willing to be there for us and do what we can for them as well. If you or your sister want to talk to someone else who is also experiencing cancer in their journey feel free to contact me. All my best to you and your family.

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Kate, thank you for sharing your story. Kayla and I went to see my sister today and we brrought her some food so she won’t have to worry about cooking. The first thin I noticed is that she seemed much more herself. I think the weight of negativety that my mom had has been lifted from her shoulders and today for the first time in a while I saw my sister as she had been, talkative and happy to have people around her.

  7. Debradml

    Sorry to read of your troubles hun…. Families…. haven’t met one person in my life yet who hasn’t had to deal with crap from them!!!

    Wishing your sister all the best!!!

    And you’ve made my heart smile to read that you have your beautiful soulmate by your side to face through this ride of life… the ups, downs & curve balls… we aren’t all so lucky to have that!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Ther has always been some minor dischord in my family but as one who doesn’t care for drama I managed to keep myself distant from it all. This though was more then I could tolerate.

  8. Christina Mandara

    Gosh, how terrible! You can pick your friends, but you can’t choose your family indeed!! Stay strong, say what needs to be said and the right outcome will happen in the end. Oh and give that lovely other half of yours a big cuddle because I’m betting she’ll cuddle you back πŸ˜‰

  9. Mynx

    Southern Sir…. Your post touches home for me, as you may remember I have lost all my family to illness, and with each one came trials and tribulations of family issues that overwhelmed me , and deemed to drawl me under a wave of emotional upset. My Sir never left my side… He saw me through each and every one, and carried me when I was too weak to walk.

    This is what your living through now, and there is light at the end of this tunnel I promise. But your words in this post are a true testament of your love, and further proof of Gods plan for you both. He brought Kayla to you when he knew you would need her. She will see you through each wave, and will help keep your head above water. You two are blessed to have found each other, and Sir and I will continue to keep you and your precious Kayla and family in our thoughts and prayers!

    Hugs, Mynx

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Mynx, While you and Mr. TW have not yet met I think of you and others in blogland as family and in a way we are, we all share a common thread.

      One day I know there may come a time when Kayla needs me to be there for her and I will be, that is what it is all about. She has brought so much into my life it is amazing and each and every day I am happy and grateful she is by my side.

  10. pretty in pink submissive

    Mr. John,
    I am shocked by your mother’s actions. I can’t imagine the hurt you and your sister must be feeling in all of this. You are a wonderful brother and a very lucky man to have your Babygirl. You also have friends. I love you both!


    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Thank you pps, we are both happy to call you friend as well. After seeing how my sister was today it may be a blessing in disguise that my mother has decided to cut and run so to speak. We love you too!

  11. Peep

    Oh… I had my phone read me this post as I drove to the office today. I don’t know what to say except that I’m sorry for the split in your family right now. But I’m also very relieved to hear that you are reaching for Kayla, and that you need her Baby-girlness on your time of stress, from a submissive’s point of view there are few things that make us feel more special and cherished. I’m sure she has obliged! Hang in there Mr. B πŸ˜‰

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      Peep, while this has created a rift with my mom it has served to bring Kayla and I even closer. Her babygirl side was/is just waht I need to get me through this. Knowing she has served me has not only strengthened me but has also shown her that she can help me when neded.
      Serving comes in so many different ways and forms.

  12. Vixen

    I’m sorry to hear all of the “sorrow” you are having to deal with, but knowing you have Kayla and the fact that you recognize that as a strength makes me smile and know you two will weather through this well.


  13. Mrs Fever

    This post… It stirs up a lot for me, past and present. I can’t ‘Like’ it, because… It hurts.

    “I feel your pain” sounds trite, but please believe me, it’s not meant to be.

    You are in my thoughts.

  14. Wordwytch

    Lots Of HUGS! I hope that things begin to improve. I’m also so glad that you and Kayla have one another.

    This reminds me so much of what my sister is doing over the issues with my parents. Drives me nuts.

    Once again, HUGS!

    1. John Brownstone Post author

      After we saw my sister yesterday I am beginning to think it may be a good thing my mother is no longer there. My sis seemed to be in better spirits then she has for some time.


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