By | January 16, 2014


It is over a year since little flower and I met and it is coming up on a year since we began our journey in D/s together.
So much has changed in a year, it is amazing when one thinks about it.

Myself growing in my Dominance of her, learning that being a Dom is not something set in stone but that I am a blend, part DD, part sadist, and part primal. little flower discovering and embracing her little side and so hesitant to give her submission.

When we first decided to embark on this journey it was in small steps, very small steps. At that time I knew she was fragile and I didn’t want to push to hard. When we first began talking about how to move forward I suggested writing a D/s contract. We talked about what was expected from each other and what was wanted, all this was written down in a document. This was our contract for how to proceed in our budding D/s relationship.

Am I talking about a legal binding, stand up in court document; no not at all. What I mean is a document that can be used as a guideline for your D/s relationship. It was a basic document outlining her role as a submissive and mine as her Dominant.

The other night when we were talking I brought up in our talk about re-negotiating our contract. See we have both grown in our relationship over the past year. My Dominance has grown stronger and I now have control over more things in her life. In turn she has opened up more of her submission to me.

There are things that when we first started talking which were hard limits and now are things that would be considered. That all falls into how much she has grown to trust me and through that is open and willing to try new things.

That is part of the beauty of a D/s relationship, it changes it grows, as a Dom pushes his sub beyond their boundaries it allows them to grow. Even as a Dom there is learning and growth. The relationship is fluid and flowing.

I then brought up to her that we should even as a couple take a look at our relationship, like anything else a relationship changes and grows, people change, goals become different. So I told her then; in February when we are together we need to set aside some time to take a look at what our goals are and how we are moving forward to accomplish them. A sort of relationship self check in a way, it may sound clinical but in business you set goals. You have both short term and long terms goals for the business to grow and succeed.

In a relationship it is the same thing, in order for a relationship to continue to grow it needs to be looked at and reviewed. Are you both on the same page, where do we want to be in a year from now. Throw in kinks and that of course takes it to a whole new level. When you first met you each told one another what your kinks are, what you will do, what you might do, and what you won’t do. Over time your kinks may well change, things you once liked don’t excite you as much. Those things on your might try list that you haven’t done yet. Even some of those things on the won’t do list may have moved to the might do list.

One thing we talked about briefly while we were together for the holidays was wax play. Early on it was something that wasn’t on the list. Neither one of us have tried it, we have each on our own looked at it online and have some idea of how to do it and play in a safe manner. At this point it is something that is on the table to try. We might like it, we might not.

Rules and protocols may change as well. Rules that worked for a while may no longer be needed. New rules may be introduced, different protocols as the relationship progresses and grows. For instance when I first began helping little flower with her diet and I took control of what she eats she was following a very specific meal plan. We did that for a number of months, about 6-8 months to be exact and she was getting limited results for her efforts. So we regrouped we both looked into other avenues and I decided on a new approach.

All the more reason for a re-negotiation of your contract.

Let’s face it each year you go to the doctor for a annual check up, to make sure everything is in good working order and what you need to do to try and keep yourself in good health for the upcoming year.
Why should your D/s relationship be any different.

38 thoughts on “Re-negotiation

  1. LittleBoPeep

    There must be some collective thought process going on Southern Sir, either that or our table at dinner last night was bugged. I didn’t check for hidden microphones. Sir and I have been together for over 30 years. I will tell you that our relationship is always evolving. Yesterday it took another turn in the sharing of ideas previously off the table, new boundaries. The conversation flowed off and on all day, and continued while we were out to dinner. To the outside world we could have been discussing anything, we were just two people completely engaged in each other. This nearly effortless sharing strengthens our trust and respect for each other, even after so long. You and little flower are going to have a wonderful life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us πŸ™‚

    1. southerns Post author

      It all comes down to the level of communication inherent in the D/s world. After having been in a vanilla relationship where there was no communication whatsoever this has been like a breath of fresh air.
      Ahh you never know when I may be listening πŸ˜‰

      1. LittleBoPeep

        πŸ™‚ I have had both as well, with the same man. I must say I prefer it this way, as does Mr. Wolf. Just keep the mikes out of the bedroom k? ROFL, who am I kidding…. Whoohooo! Oh Mr. Wolf, I think I have another fantasy I’d like to share……

          1. southerns Post author

            I didn’t really get a chance to look when I was at lunch, will have to give it a good look over tonight.

          2. LittleBoPeep

            I’ve only got a few up now, all taken in the past few months. For various reasons I did not shoot anything for years, but Sir has asked me to take this hobby back up. I’m re-learning how to use my DSLR. I hope you like cars. More B and W’s to follow though.

  2. Mynx's Sir

    I’m so happy for your anniversary, and knowing how far the two of you have come on your journey is even more impressive! I remember the day when Mynx suspected something was up between you two like it was yesterday… and look at you both now!

    Congratulations you two! πŸ™‚

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

  3. Kayla Lords

    It’s a strange thing to talk about a relationship filled with love and passion in a clinical way, but it’s refreshing and it makes sense to me. I like it! πŸ™‚

  4. Christina mandara

    And let’s face it – renegotiation is fun – time to explore new avenues and have lots of fun! Or should I say – even more fun πŸ˜‰

          1. LittleBoPeep

            SS, yes it is, I truly appreciate this nice little group of like minded people. Thank you. πŸ™‚

          2. LittleBoPeep

            Mr. TW, I usually bring the fun with me, and, *ahem* I don’t have hundreds of visits to my blog after I post, so whose having the most fun…? LOLOL….us reading your blog! ( that and I’m sure tons of younger males, errr participating solo)

          3. Mynx's Sir

            There’s a visual I’m gonna hafta have therapy for! Well, that one and many others I’m sure! πŸ™‚

          1. Mynx's Sir

            ‘No holds barred’ blogging Mr. Brownstone, that’s the rule! Just let it all hang out, right?!?!? πŸ™‚

  5. Cheeky Minx

    Your contract sounds like a perfect way to discuss your desires and needs.

    I wish you many more contracts and a blissful life together. Happy Anniversary to you both!

  6. Pingback: More Than Whips and Chains #Dominance and #Submission - A Sexual Being

  7. petalsMJ

    My Master and i have recently realized the same…as we grow, so do our preferences, goals, desires. We, too, have a visit coming up in February where we will no doubt re-evalaute some of our original goals, limits, rules. It makes life so exciting to constantly evolve together. Just a side note…Master has been monitoring my diet/exercise for about 6 months as well, with little changes on my part. What was your new approach, if you don’t mind me asking? Best wishes, petals

    1. SouthernSir

      Evolving is an excellent way to look at it.
      Little flower has also hit a plateau in regards to her weight loss. While I love her body as it is and think it is both beautiful and sexy we have stepped back a bit, part of her problem revolves around emotional eating. So for now when she wants to eat something she has to ask me first. This makes her think before she eats and she makes wiser choices as to what she does eat. Her exercise still stands and she must work out during the week.
      She is also making a doctors appt. so we can make sure there is no medical reason she can’t lose more weight.

      1. petalsMJ

        I find I have the same problem…and with Master an ocean away at the moment, that emotional eating can get a bit overwhelming. I faltered a bit on the emotional eating this last week and was corrected by Master taking away my favorite, cheese, for a week. I do much better when he is around, for sure.

        I have just found your blog, and think I have deduced from comments your little flower has a blog as well. I will enjoy reading through it, and pass it on to Master as well. Thank you for your reply.


  8. Pingback: Taking Charge - A Sexual Being

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.